YOUR PROBLEMS ANSWERED

Should I walk away from my family?

I am miserable in my 30-year marriage – my husband barely utters two sentences a week to me. We have only had sex three times in the past ten years and recently he has moved out of our bedroom. He no longer wants to go to the cinema, walk the dog or watch TV with me. The love that I have for our three children almost makes up for his lack of interest in me. However, my daughter, who is in her 20s, has a moderate learning disability and a psychological disorder; she thumps me and spits at me. Unhelpfully, the psychiatrist has put this down to my so-called ‘overprotective mother syndrome’, so now the community and family sit in judgment of my parenting skills. I have the support of our local church and a few friends. I love my children and my husband, regardless of his idiosyncrasies, but I feel that if I walked away life would rectify itself for everyone. Don’t suggest counselling – I would be sitting in a chair on my own. I am sure that this situation is not your fault, but you imply it when you say that if you were to walk away, everything would be all right. However, you make no mention of your own needs and it may be that you would be happier if you left your unfulfilling marriage. You deserve to be happy. Coping with children, even adult ones, who have problems similar to your daughter’s can be stressful and even drive a couple apart. While you may not be able to persuade your husband to go to counselling with you, you need to tell him that you can’t stay in this marriage if he continues to be distant. If he won’t go to counselling, go on your own – even if only to help you to part from him. You should also ask him to see his GP as he could be suffering from depression. Meanwhile, your daughter’s behaviour must be extremely distressing. Please contact Mencap (mencap.org.uk, 0808 808 1111), a charity for people with learning disabilities. They will give you more help and advice than her psychiatrist.