DEAR ZELDA

I was married for 25 years until my husband cheated on me with his younger colleague. We parted and it was hard but I managed to move on. He settled down with his new lover. That was two years ago, but now he is asking for my forgiveness and saying that he made a mistake. I have never dated or tried to find someone else, I just wanted to take my time. The trouble is he is still with this woman, who is now threatening to tell everyone at his workplace that they were lovers (they still don’t know about the two of them) and have him fired. He comes to see me every day and I’m beginning to feel sorry for him. What shall I do? Your husband has betrayed you and let you down badly, so be very careful not to get hurt again. You have not said if you still love him but it does sound as though you still have feelings for him. Marriages can recover from an affair but you would need to be sure that he really loves you and is prepared to work hard to make you feel loved and desired again – and that he doesn’t just want to get back together because he might lose his job and will need somewhere to live. Most importantly, his current partner would need to be completely out of his life at home and work. I am sure that she has no idea that he comes to visit you every day. She sounds like the kind of woman who would carry out her threats, so your husband would need to tell his bosses before she does. Hopefully they would be understanding – we all make mistakes. I think before you make any decision to get back together, it would be wise to contact Relate (relate.org.uk) for counselling with your husband.