The Scottish Mail on Sunday - You
‘LIVING APART BROUGHT US EVEN CLOSER TOGETHER’
BROUGHT US EVEN CLOSER TOGETHER’
When Joanna Moorhead’s husband landed his dream job – 400 miles from the family home – her initial response was worry. Would their marriage survive the separation? But – now happier than they’ve been for years – they’re joining a growing group of British people who’re proving that a little distance can be a big advantage
Almost three years ago, my husband moved out of our family home in London and resettled 400 miles away in Glasgow. We’d been married for 27 years and have four children. Like most couples who have endured/survived several decades together, our marriage had had its ups and downs. And I can honestly say now that Gary moving out was one of its high points.
Why? Well, not because he was leaving me – although there have been oh-so-many people certain he was doing just that (one member of my family apparently has a running bet with another that we’ll be divorced within five years). No, it’s because, for us, living apart has turned out to be the ideal way to live in our 50s. We see a lot less of one another, but when we are together we tend to get on better than we have done for years.
This isn’t, to be fair, the article I thought I’d be writing back in 2015 when Gary, who works in broadcast news, told me he’d got his dream job –
in Scotland. In fact, I was worried about how we could make it work. It clearly wasn’t an option for us all to move to Glasgow at that point: although our two eldest daughters are both grown up and working, our younger girls were then aged 17 and 13, and embroiled in the English exam system, which differs significantly from its Scottish counterpart. Born and raised in London, they’ve got all their friends here and – much though we love Scotland, which is where Gary grew up and where we have spent many holidays over the years – they didn’t want to change their lives just because their dad was changing his.
Living apart together (LAT-ing) sounds eccentric, but it’s more common than you’d think: sometimes it’s couples who’ve got together when they’re older and who simply continue to keep their own bases; but it’s not unusual, either, for spouses who have invested in a home and family together to LAT part-time. Around one in ten UK couples do it in some form. Some live separately during the week and get together at weekends; others spend two or three nights apart a week, with one partner staying in the place where she or he is working. We needed a more extreme form of LAT-ing, because Gary’s job involves running a big department and he can’t do it remotely: he needs to be in Scotland, immersed in the country and its politics. I knew what this job meant to him, and supported him completely – but it was only human to be worried about what the effects might be on our family. Would I be resentful about having to carry our domestic setup in London
TWO MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY HAVE A RUNNING BET THAT WE’LL BE DIVORCED IN FIVE YEARS”