How can I persuade my daughter to move back to the UK?

QTwo years ago my daughter, her husband and their son were planning to return to the UK from Australia for good. They arrived and told us that they had booked return tickets to go back to sell their property but would be here by Christmas. However, last October, they bought a new home in Australia – I was devastated. My husband and I had been putting money aside for them, looking for suitable houses, buying household items and putting our own plans on hold ahead of the move. Then, in January, my husband died, which, yet again, was devastating. Now they are talking about coming back to the UK again. I would like to move to a smaller property but now I don’t know what to do. I need to be closer to the rest of the family. I’m also stuck in the probate system through no fault of my own.

AI am sorry to hear about the death of your husband. Because you talk about having to put your own plans on hold, I think his death must have been sudden and unexpected – no wonder you are devastated. It is also very hard for you that your daughter and her family are so far away at this time. It is not clear from your letter whether you have other children or whether your daughter is your only child. This

QI have been employing a casual gardener for years. However, without asking for permission, he has started to bring his grandchildren with him in the school holidays. I don’t want to lose him as a gardener but I’m not happy with this as sometimes they take up most of his time, which I am paying for, and I saw one of them helping themselves to unripe fruit from my trees. Is there a law against taking children to the workplace that I could cite or do I have to tough it out and say that I don’t want children in my garden distracting him from his job? I’m sure his wife could look after them instead but I get the impression she doesn’t really want to.

AI don’t think that you really want to cite the law, do you? I presume you just want to avoid a difficult conversation or upsetting him. I’m afraid it isn’t easy but, yes, you will have to tell him directly. Perhaps you could say that you really appreciate all his work over the years and you don’t mind if he brings the grandchildren once or twice in the summer holidays but that they do distract him quite a bit from his work, he gets less done and you weren’t happy with them picking fruit. You could also explain that you find them a bit noisy and so would rather they didn’t come. Hopefully he will understand but if his wife is really reluctant to take the grandchildren (and their parents are presumably working), he may decide not to come any more. You may have to be willing to compromise and allow his grandchildren to accompany him occasionally if you want to keep him.

is a lot to come to terms with and it is not surprising that you are finding it difficult to know what to do regarding whether to sell and move somewhere smaller. That is a big decision – which is hard to make while you are grieving. The first thing you should do is contact Cruse Bereavement Care (0808 808 1677, cruse.org.uk) as it will help you find a counsellor and talk all this through with someone who has been bereaved themselves. It helps to keep busy, too. You don’t say if you have friends living locally, but, if you do, see as much of them as possible. You could also consider joining a book club or the Ramblers (a group that organises walks around the country), learning something new or volunteering at a charity. Or try some classes at the gym if you have one nearby – exercise is known to help emotionally as well as physically. As you have some money set aside, perhaps you could take a holiday to Australia to visit your daughter and family. I really hope that they will eventually choose to return to live here but, as hard as it is, try not to put pressure on them – they have to make that decision themselves. This is not easy for you but talking and getting help for yourself while making sure you have company and kindness around you will make it a little easier in time.

I HIRED A GARDENER, NOT HIS GRANDKIDS!

‘I was devastated when she bought a new home in Australia’