Darren Webster, 45, a primary school vice principal from Norfolk, adopted his son Cody more than two decades ago

‘ADOPTING AT 23 – MADNESS! BUT I’M GLAD I DID IT’

When I adopted Cody I was in my early 20s, just beginning my teaching career. I’d been affected by a child in my class who didn’t have the care and attention at home that the others had. I’d given everyone little packs of pencils for Christmas and he said he’d never had anything like that before. My heart went out to him so a friend mentioned I could adopt a child like that to give them a chance. I had a good job and my own home – I was in a position to do it. She caught me off guard, but she was there when I made the call to social services.

I was single, happy living on my own and had never been particularly bothered about being in a relationship, but I did know I wanted children. In the end, I was approved but was told I couldn’t have a baby or a girl – which says everything about how much they trusted me. It wasn’t important, though, as I needed a child who was in school as I had to keep working.

Cody’s picture was on the wall at social services and it just caught me. I’ve still got it. He had gappy teeth, short hair, very dark brown eyes and, though he looked shy, he had a cheeky grin. I thought, ‘There’s a kid with personality’, and asked to see his details. He was five and had been in several foster-care placements. Social services weren’t sure about placing him for adoption because of behaviour issues. He had a pronounced stutter and though they hadn’t pinned down what was wrong with him, they thought he might be autistic and have ADHD. Neither was true.

He needed a lot of speech therapy so he could slowly begin to get his points across and be understood. I’m lucky that, being a teacher, I knew how to push for one-to-one support in school from the start. Cody took up all my time from the very beginning. I love arts and theatre so wherever I was going, Cody came too. Likewise, he introduced me to things I’d never have done. I remember him leaping through the trees on a high ropes course, me following behind, trying to keep up. There were difficulties – Cody ran away from school a number of times – but we formed a strong bond. Cody needed boundaries so I set them and there was no other parent to change them.

My parents live nearby and have always been involved and supportive. I’ve had relationships over the past

20 years, but I don’t want to get married or live with anyone. Cody is 25 now – he went to college, moved out two years ago and got a flat. He works as a teaching assistant for children with learning difficulties. We have a great relationship. I look back and wonder why I did it at 23 – madness, I think – but I’m so glad I did.

DARREN AND CODY, AGED 11, IN DISNEYLAND PARIS