I feel hopeless after my daughter’s sudden death

QMy youngest daughter died suddenly of a heart attack last December. She was just 42. She died before I reached the hospital. Three months after her funeral, her partner of 13 years moved in with another woman. I don’t want anything to do with him or his family – none of them spoke to me at the funeral. He has never visited her grave, even on her birthday. I asked him if I could have my daughter’s charm bracelet, which my mother had bought for her when she was born, as a way to remember her but he said that as he had added four more charms, it was now his. I then found out that he had also taken £1,000 out of her bank account after her death. The police said they could not do anything about it. He also gave her cat away but I don’t know where to. I went to the doctor as I was so depressed and was referred to a grief counsellor but it didn’t help. My friends have abandoned me. One was planning to have a coffee with me but then said she wouldn’t as I always talked about my daughter. I live with my brother but he doesn’t care – he has no children of his own. My other daughter and her son, who has severe autism, are under threat of losing their home as social services have reduced her allowance and I have no money to give her. Life feels so hopeless.

AI am sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. That is devastating for you – and you also have the worry about your other daughter and your grandson. On top of that, your daughter’s former partner and his family have been utterly cruel. It is not surprising you are feeling so low. It is a great shame that your friends and brother have been so unsupportive – it doesn’t say much for them. It is perfectly normal to want to talk about your daughter and, in fact, you should. But you do need more support. Sometimes depression is too deep for counselling alone – you may need medication as well. Go back to your GP (or a different one) and ask about antidepressants. It could be that that counsellor wasn’t right for you, so perhaps ask for a new referral. Try contacting Cruse Bereavement Care (0808 808 1677) for support. Alternatively, The Child Death Helpline (0800 282 986 for landlines, 0808 800 6019 for mobiles), based at Great Ormond Street and Alder Hey hospitals, is for anyone affected by the death of a child of any age, under any circumstances, however long ago. It is staffed by trained volunteers, all of whom are bereaved parents. Your other daughter could get advice for her son’s future care from the National Autistic Society (0808 800 4104). I hope that with the right support, life will gradually start to feel less bleak.

MY SISTER’S SON IS OUT OF CONTROL

‘Three months later, her partner moved in with another woman’