HOW TO GET YOUR SEX LIFE BACK

Sex therapist and author Emma Waring offers advice for those having cancer treatment

Talk To your GP

If you’re suffering severe menopausal symptoms, depending on the type of cancer you had and whether it is oestrogen receptive, it may be possible to be prescribed HRT as a topical oestrogen cream or patch. However, some doctors advise against this because of the possible cancer risk. GPs can prescribe vaginal moisturisers, lubricants and in some cases dilators to help stretch the vagina over a period of time. The more you use it the easier it becomes.

CoMMuNICaTE

Talking to your partner is important, and you need to be specific about what you need and how you feel. They may think you’re avoiding sex as you don’t desire them any more; you may worry that they’re avoiding it because of your changed body. The less you say the bigger the gap between you grows. A sex therapist can help by gently exposing your thoughts and feelings. For example, the therapist could ask, ‘Is there anything you used to enjoy that you no longer want to do?’ Unless you discuss it, your partner won’t know.

rECoNsIdEr whaT works for you

You may need to make changes in order to relax and for sex to feel comfortable – that could be wearing underwear or keeping part of you covered. Don’t assume you need to start back where you left off. Sex may be different but it can still be good.

rECoNNECT wITh your sENsualITy

Sex starts with sensuality, and breast cancer treatment often shuts down that whole part of you. You’ve been medicalised – gone into hospital, had to sit in a gown, had your breasts drawn on by doctors, been prodded, poked and operated on. It’s common to dissociate from your body to get through all this – but if you’re feeling dissociated from yourself, you can’t get aroused. Focus on delivering self-care. Remember what it’s like to rub on body lotion or to slip into some beautiful silky nightwear. It could be exercise that makes you feel strong, toned and empowered – getting back from a good run and standing under a shower. Tap back into the small things that gave you sensual pleasure.

ThINk IN TErMs of sEasoNs

Breast cancer can feel like a long winter, and you may need to get through the grief you’re feeling, just as your body needs to recover from the trauma. But don’t think that this is for ever. So many couples come out on the other side with an intimacy they’d never had before. Spring can follow.

Breast Cancer Now is working with Ann Summers to help start the conversation about sex and breast cancer. My Viv is a new line of sexual wellbeing products by Ann Summers, including dilators, lubricants and vaginal moisturisers. Ten per cent of profits will be donated to Breast Cancer Now. See myviv.co.uk or breastcancernow.org/ intimacy for more details