I CAN’T TELL IF HE FANCIES ME OR NOT

I’ve been lucky because as I’ve got older my libido has actually increased. My problem is that I have no one to share it with! I divorced many years ago and have had one long-term relationship since. There is someone who’s been in my life for years and we’re both single, but I have no idea if he feels the same as I do. He gives me the impression he does, but I’m useless at reading signs and I don’t want to risk a good friendship. Although I’m independent and financially comfortable, I have self-esteem issues and the thought of laying all my cards on the table is really terrifying. I’m in my early 60s and frightened that I’ll never have sex or experience that closeness with someone again.

Falling in love involves the risk of getting hurt. However, by never taking a chance we risk loneliness. Of course, it is difficult to put yourself out there but I don’t think you have a lot to lose by asking if he feels the same. Even if he doesn’t, it is unlikely that he would stop seeing you as he won’t want to lose the friendship either. There might be awkwardness at first, but that would soon pass. Perhaps just say light-heartedly, ‘Have you ever wondered if you and I should get together?’ And just imagine if it worked out! Meanwhile, as you have a history of painful relationships, it could be that low self-esteem goes back to childhood. You may subconsciously choose men who don’t treat you well because you have never felt you are worth more. Seek counselling to boost your confidence. Try relate.org.uk, counselling-directory.org.uk or bacp.co.uk.

If you have a problem, write to Caroline West-meads at: YOU, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS, or email c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. Caroline reads all your letters but regrets she cannot answer each one personally