RAPE MYTHS VERSUS REALITY

of rapes, sexual assaults and sexual abuse are committed by someone known to the victim – a boyfriend, a spouse, a friend, a colleague.’ This certainly doesn’t make it less traumatic. ‘Why would being abused at the hands of a stranger feel worse than being abused by someone you trust, someone you love?’ However, it can certainly make it harder for even the victim to identify what has happened.

Natasha Saunders, now 32, was raped repeatedly during her marriage to a violent, controlling man. She had met John Chesher when she was 17 – she was working at a stables and he came to buy a horse. Chesher was 31, charming, funny; he had a house, a job, a car and swept Natasha off her feet. ‘To an impressionable teenager, he seemed so grown-up,’ she says. Within three months, she had quit her job and moved 30 miles away to live with him. In a slow creep, Natasha became isolated and dependent on Chesher. He claimed he loved her so much, he couldn’t share her. He couldn’t understand why Natasha needed to see her friends – wasn’t he enough? He also claimed they’d made passes at him. When she tried to see her family, he caused a scene. He liked her to dress in a certain way. He had to know where she was at all times.

‘Over the years, he took everything,’ says Natasha. ‘He took my personality, my friends, my family, how I dress, how I talk… everything – then he took my body. So many times, I would wake up and he’d already be having sex with me. Or I’d tell him I was tired or ill, and he’d have sex with me anyway. There would be pestering, coercing – there were times I went along with it so it was over quicker.’

One incident that stands out is the night Natasha gave birth to their son. She had delivered him in hospital with only a midwife by her side, Chesher texting all the way through telling her that there was no way she was staying in hospital overnight as he needed her home immediately. He collected her just after midnight and when Natasha finally climbed into bed, told her, ‘You’re having sex tonight.’

‘I said, “Get off me, I hurt, leave me alone, no” but he proceeded to rape me and ripped my stitches. I remember going to the bathroom crying, thinking, “Oh my god, what has he done?”’

Still, though, Natasha didn’t recognise this as rape. ‘You’re not told that the rapist can be the person sitting across from you at breakfast,’ she says. ‘You look at him next morning and he says, “What? What have you got that face on for?” You doubt everything. You don’t want to admit that someone you loved and trusted could betray you like that so you blame yourself.

If I was a better wife, if I loved him more, if I wasn’t so frigid – that was his favourite

● ‘Victims always fight back’

This isn’t true – one study of US police reports found only 22 per cent resisted rape by fighting and screaming, while 56 per cent tried begging, pleading and reasoning with their attacker. A European study of women who’d visited an emergency rape clinic found that 70 per cent reported tonic immobility (body paralysis) during the assault.

● ‘Victims call the police immediately’ According to Home Office data, less than half – 46 per cent – of recorded rapes were reported on the day they took place, while 14 per cent took more than six months to report. Most victims never report at all – it’s estimated that only one in five men and one in six women who have been raped or sexually assaulted come forward.

● ‘Rapists are strangers in dark alleys’ Most rapes are carried out by someone known to the victim. The 2020 Crime Survey for England and Wales found that 44 per cent of people who had experienced sexual assault by rape or penetration had done so at the hands of a partner or ex-partner. Another 37 per cent had been at the hands of someone known to them, such as a friend or date. Only 15 per cent reported being assaulted by a stranger. More than one third of attacks (37 per cent) happened in the victim’s own home.

For more information contact Rape Crisis England & Wales (0808 802 9999, rapecrisis.org.uk) or Scotland (0808 801 0302, rapecrisisscotland.org.uk)

word – then maybe he wouldn’t do this. In the end it happens so many times, it just becomes your life. It’s so hard to understand if you haven’t been through it.’

All three women won some kind of justice. Chesher is now serving 12 years for rape and sexual assault. Simon Cash – who was a student nurse – was sentenced to 18 months’ imprisonment for sexual assault. Ellie Clarkson’s rapist received a ten-year sentence.

However, all three women are painfully aware that the outcome could have been very different. In court, Chesher claimed he was a good husband, a good provider

‘FOR MONTHS, THE FEAR OF GOING TO COURT AND BEING ASKED, “WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST STOP IT?” TERRIFIED ME’

and these accusations had been planted in Natasha’s head by others. Ellie’s rapist also pleaded not guilty and claimed that she ‘fancied’ him, that what happened was consensual.

Simon Cash had pleaded not guilty in his pre-trial hearings – though he changed his plea to guilty just before the trial. ‘The lead-up to the trial took me to rock bottom, the lowest point in my life,’ says Abbi Lawther. ‘I only kept going because he was a nursing student – he wanted to be a midwife and I just felt that someone like him should not be in a job like that. Someone had to stop him, but for months, the fear of going to court and being asked, “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you just stop it?” terrified me. I was blaming myself. I felt dirty 24/7 – like I was the guilty one. Since then, I’ve learnt that my reaction during the assault was very common. I really believe everyone should know that. When it comes to rape and sexual assault, there really is no “normal”.’

It’s something that the Government is beginning to take on board. In June this year, ministers including Home Secretary Priti Patel and Justice Secretary Robert Buckland admitted they feel ‘deeply ashamed’ following the review that found just 1,439 rapists out of an estimated 128,000 rapes and attempted rapes committed in the past year were convicted, and that 57 per cent of rape victims withdraw from their cases because they feel judged or disbelieved, fear for their mental health and cannot face the trauma of a trial. In a plan that aims to return the numbers of rape suspects charged back to 2016 levels (the point at which they started to fall), detectives will be told to focus rape investigations on offenders’ behaviour rather than on the victims’ ‘credibility’.

The Law Commission has also been asked to review tougher restrictions on courts’ cross-examination of victims’ previous sexual relationships and measures to combat rape myths among juries, lawyers and judges. ‘If you’re a victim of a burglary, you don’t expect a huge focus upon every aspect of your private life, just because you’ve been the victim of that type of crime,’ said Buckland.