MY DAUGHTER BLAMES ME FOR HER BREAK-UP

I think I might have really messed things up with my daughter. She is 33 and for six years had been in a relationship with a man who wouldn’t commit to marriage. She is desperate to have children but he kept saying that he wasn’t ready – he’s 40. So I told her to issue an ultimatum: that if he couldn’t agree to marry her within a year, she would have to end the relationship. However, when she followed my

Qadvice, he left her, saying that he didn’t want to be forced into a corner. That was three months ago and my daughter has been distraught, sobbing down the phone that it’s my fault and if she hadn’t said anything, they would still be together.

Yes, if she hadn’t said anything, they might still be together – and your daughter could then watch another three

Aor four years go by, still wanting to get married and still wanting children. Sadly, I expect that everyone except your daughter could see that this relationship was not right. Not being willing to commit after six years is hardly being backed into a corner. If he doesn’t feel ready for children at 40, then he probably doesn’t ever want them, but didn’t have the courage to tell her that directly and kept her hanging on. Right now, your daughter is grieving the loss of her relationship (six years is a long time) and frightened about the uncertainties of the future. She will come round but it will take time for her to see that he wasn’t right for her, so just keep listening and being there for her. Remind her gently that he perhaps would never have felt ready to be a father and that she deserves someone who loves her enough to want a future together.