Change your mindset
Olivia Towers helps you discover a new and more confident you
“The next time someone asks you about your riding, note the language you’re using. It starts with noticing it and then you can rephrase it”
JUST LIKE WARMING up to ride, climbing into the saddle with the right mindset will not only help you to make the most of your session, but it will improve your relationship with your horse too. Get into the correct riding mindset with these four simple exercises.
1 HAVE A GOAL
Before I even get on my horse, I have an idea of what I would like to achieve. This, of course, varies depending on the level and stage the horse is at. For example, on a young horse, I may have the goal of wanting him to just enjoy the ride and go forwards around the outside of the arena. I won’t get weighed down if I haven’t got him on the bit or perfectly around my inside leg.
On a more experienced horse, I may have the goal of working on my one-time changes. I will go in and warm up, then start the building blocks to reach that goal.
If I hit a tricky point before doing the one-time changes — for example a late change — I’ll work on that until it’s solved and then continue. But if I run out of time and my horse is tired, I’ll finish still feeling like I’ve achieved something because
I was purposeful in my ride. Finishing on a good note is important even if that’s just one clean flying change.
Sometimes having goals isn’t all about reaching them on a timescale (especially with horses), but they do give you and your horse direction and purpose.
2 SELF-TALK
We have thousands of little conversations with ourselves every day, which means that if we’re talking negatively about ourselves — either outwardly to others or just internally — it can set us up for a tricky ride. Sometimes a rider arrives for a lesson and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is something mean about themselves — “The horse is great, I’m the problem”; “I’m a useless test rider”; “I never get any better”. Within the first few minutes they have painted a negative image of themselves.
The sad truth about this is that our brains just believe what we tell them. Even if you think you’re saying it in a jokey manner, or are trying to explain to someone about a struggle you have, your brain will register it as the truth. This is why how we talk about ourselves is so important.
I’m not saying you have to cover up things you’d like to improve or change — it’s all about how you phrase it. For example, instead of saying “I am absolutely useless at trot-canter transitions”, say “I would love to improve my trot-canter transitions, and I know it’s possible with the right help and patience”.
The next time someone asks you about your riding — either before a lesson, at a show or just in everyday conversation — note the language you’re using.
It starts with noticing it and then you can start to rephrase it. I find this is the best place to start with self-talk — sometimes with internal conversations it can be hard to notice, whereas external is easier.
3 CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
Are people building you up or pushing you down? This can be your trainer, your friends, or that lovely lady who likes to comment about how your position just isn’t quite right on your Facebook posts.
It’s all well and good working on developing your self-belief and improving self-talk, but if you have someone who is tearing down those building blocks it’s going to be very hard. We can’t control all that is said to us, especially with the rise of the keyboard warriors on social media, but we can look at who we choose to listen to.
Let’s talk about the people you choose to give you criticism because it’s a huge part of learning. We need people to tell us where we need to improve and when we are going off course. This is the constructive part. Unfortunately, coaches and even friends and family can have the opposite effect. I used to think I was overly sensitive with my learning until I started studying the most effective ways to learn. It turns out that being screamed at and told you’re useless isn’t the best way. Who’d have thought it!
I’m fortunate that my trainers are extremely encouraging. This doesn’t mean that they praise me when I get it wrong and wrap me up in cotton wool. They are driven to get me to where I want to be. You don’t become the best without pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. But they do it in the right way. They correct me in a calm tone when it goes wrong and explain how to improve it. When I get it right, they shout with excitement and praise me. If I’m not getting it at all, they explain it in another way. So often I start teaching people who have paid to be verbally abused, so just check you’re actually with someone who gives you constructive criticism.
Out with destructiveness
As for the destructive criticism, that’s something you can’t control. It’s all about understanding why people do it.
Firstly, it’s important to realise that it’s coming from a place of personal insecurity. We normally judge people on the things we are most insecure about ourselves. So when someone starts at you, remember this: if someone is at peace with themselves, they don’t tear others down, they build them up.
“Our brains just believe what we tell them. This is why how we talk about ourselves is so important”
If I’m getting trolled on social media or in person, I tend not to retaliate and instead just say “thank you for your feedback”.
And remember there’s always the ‘block’ button on social media if it gets too intense.
4GO FOR GOOD — NOT PERFECT
Being a perfectionist by nature, I’ve had to wrestle with the idea of being good, not perfect, a lot. Being a perfectionist can be a strength if it’s kept within parameters — especially when it comes to reaching a high level in anything — but it can also trip you up if you’re not aware and careful of it.
It’s rare in life that we will go from day to day hitting 100%, and if you add horses into the mix, the likelihood is even less.
I used to be on top of the world if I hit
100% and everything went well, but then I would feel extremely down even if things went well for 95% of the test and I had one iffy moment. I wasn’t giving myself room for mistakes, which is a huge part of learning and developing.
After some wise advice from a psychologist, I adopted the mindset of lowering the goalposts from day to day. That’s not lowering standards; it just saves you from the emotional rollercoaster and, in the long run, you progress in a much healthier way. This is also good for your horse. Horses respond to being praised a lot and if you can’t praise yourself, you are less likely to praise your horse. It’s a win-win.