Kindness of the chat show king
Self-deprecating and humble, Graham Norton chats to Yours about being an agony uncle, family bonds and what he loves most
On stage, Graham Norton is waspish and witty as he holds court on The Graham Norton Show. His quick-fire asides and irreverent responses mean that former comedian Graham often outshines the parade of A-list guests gracing his sofa. But that’s just one side of him. The Graham I’ve met many times is still naturally very funny, but also much kinder and warmer than the man on stage. Off screen, there are no shiny suits, but a measured, thoughtful man. It’s a side of him we glimpsed in his first novel, Holding – a warm Irish yarn that came out last year to much acclaim – and in the compassionate responses he writes to readers’ letters as agony uncle for The Telegraph newspaper. Graham (54) is full of natural empathy and when I ask him where it comes from, he puzzles over the answer, stroking his salt-and-pepper beard. “I suppose I find it easy to put myself in other people’s shoes and imagine what that’s like,” he says. “What’s useful when you’re advising people is not to see their part, but to see what’s driving the other person,” he continues. “You know when you’re like, ‘My motherin-law’s been very unreasonable,’ it’s handy to get into the mother-in-law’s head. She didn’t just wake up and decide to do this. But I don’t know if that’s empathy or trying to get inside someone else’s head.” Graham has never had therapy himself, but says he enjoys counselling others. “Some people in my group of friends do ask me what they should do. I think I have always liked giving advice, asked for or not,” he quips, adding that he adheres to strict self-imposed guidelines when it comes to advice-giving. “When it’s for romantic problems, you just listen then reinforce what the person already knows. Don’t shed light on anything, because otherwise you get blamed. And if they break up and get back together again, you can’t unsay what’s been said!” Graham has always displayed a caring nature towards his mother, Rhoda, particularly since the death of his father, Billy Walker, in 2000, from Parkinson’s Disease. He says the only good thing to have emerged from his father’s death is that it brought him closer to Rhoda and older sister, Paula. Graham says he inherited his sharp sense of humour from his mum. “My mother’s instinct is, like mine, to be judgemental and dive in with a hard line,” he says with a chuckle. “But if you talk things over with her, she’s insightful and can see through things.” Graham is often a bit hesitant to discuss family members, eager to protect them from the spotlight that shines on him. We chat about his mum’s appearance in the short film shown at this year’s National Television Awards just before he was given the Special Recognition prize. It was full of celebrities singing his praises, but Rhoda stole the film when she admitted she was proud of her son,
quipping, “But I’m not the type to go around telling anybody that. So don’t tell anybody.” “That’s true!” he laughs about his mother not being one to over-praise. “But it would be weird to, because I feel children can get too much affirmation from their parents – otherwise, it’s a tough blow to get to eight or nine and realise you’re not the best at everything and you’re not a princess.” He is quick to add that his childhood, spent moving around Ireland due to his father’s job with Guinness, was happy. “I’m not making out like she was a cruel mother. There were lots of cuddles and kisses and stuff, but at the same time there was quite a low level of flannel.” Graham says he was closer to his mum than his dad, but felt well-supported by both: “As far as I know, I had a very happy upbringing and I loved my parents and they loved me, but obviously it’s the only family I’ve been in.” Graham hasn’t found the love of his life, but has had long-term boyfriends over the years. He lives in Wapping with the dogs he dotes on – Bailey, a labradoodle, and rescue dog Madge, a terrier cross. What makes him happiest is, ‘Walking the dogs on the beach on a windy, wet day.’ It’s ironic to hear Graham talking about the ‘tough blow’ of discovering as a kid that you’re not the best at everything, because he’s proven himself annoyingly adept at many pursuits. Not content to rule Britain’s chat show world, Graham also lends his comedic talents to presenting the Eurovision Song Contest and The BAFTA TV awards as well as presenting a Saturday morning show for Radio 2. He’s also acted on stage and on TV, most notably in Father Ted, and is currently hard at work on his second novel after his first became a bestseller and won a Popular Fiction Prize in Ireland. ‘“I still feel surprised when I look at that book on a shelf and go, ‘Wow I managed to do that’,” admits Graham. “To get those words in an order that makes sense and have people read it – I am shocked by that.” It’s the same feeling he occasionally gets on his chat show. He admits he sometimes has to pinch himself when seeing the Hollywood elite lined up on his sofa. “Some nights I’m introducing guests on the show and I look around and go, ‘Wow, this is my show and these people are on it. It’s incredible’.” Or maybe not so incredible when you’re as naturally talented and, yes, as kind as Graham Norton is. The Graham Norton Show is on BBC1 on Friday evenings