‘I’m grateful he still knows me’
Like most grandmothers, Janet Bird (67) is getting ready for Christmas. Janet has seven grandchildren and always looks forward to Christmas but this time she has mixed feelings as it will be the first Christmas Day for almost 50 years that she will wake up without her muchloved husband, Colin. Colin hasn’t died but he doesn’t live at home any more. Sadly, in April this year – two days after his 70th birthday – Colin, who has dementia – moved into a nursing home. It wasn’t something Janet wanted to happen but the severe stress of caring for him since he was diagnosed in 2009 damaged her own health and in March this year, she had a heart attack. After six days in hospital and having a stent fitted, she went home but she and the whole family realised she couldn’t carry on caring. So, very reluctantly, she found a care home for him. It took two moves until she was satisfied she’d found a suitable place but now she’s gradually coming to terms with living alone without the “soul mate” she married at 18. Colin and Janet enjoyed a busy business and family life until she noticed a change in his speech in 2007 while they were living in Australia. They returned to the UK and Colin was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2009. Life as they had known it changed forever but Janet cared for Colin until her own health failed this year. “It absolutely broke my heart the day I took Colin into care,” she says. “I always wanted him to stay at home but in the end, I accepted I couldn’t do it any more.” Janet says she has been thinking a lot about Christmas and the fact that it will be the first time she won’t have Colin beside her. “When someone goes into care, it’s like a bereavement but they are still there,” she says. “I’ve lost the Colin I knew, but he’s still my husband.” Janet will spend the day with her family and she’s hoping that Colin will be well enough to join them for Christmas lunch. “We can’t plan anything because we never know from one day to the next how he will be. I’d feel really mean if I’m enjoying a nice day and he can’t be there. I have written ‘Colin and Janet’ on our Christmas cards because he’s still my husband. “It’s been a very tough year for us all but one way or another, we will share Christmas Day with him, even if we have to visit him at the home. “It was a massive wrench when he went into care but I feel better in myself now and I’m happier because he’s settled and happy. “Next June we celebrate our Golden Wedding and I’m grateful he still knows me. Life’s different now but he always smiles when I visit and that makes me happy.”
‘When someone goes into care, it’s like a bereavement’