‘I’ll never forget our last Christmas together’
As Ann Nicholl (62) faces another Christmas without her murdered daughter, Jenny, here she writes her an emotional letter from the heart
Dear Jen,
I’ll never forget our last Christmas together in 2004 as it reminds me so much of the caring young woman you’d become. You were 19 and we were nearly ready to sit down to dinner when you suddenly announced you needed to go out because you had something important to do. “Hey Jen, it’s Christmas Day...” I remember saying. You explained that you just wanted to take some milk from the fridge to a vulnerable person you knew that didn’t have so much, so they could have a hot drink. That was so typical of you, always kind to others. I’ve since heard lots of similar stories of your thoughtfulness. They make me so proud . Six months later, you left home to work a late shift at our local Co-op in Richmond, North Yorkshire, and didn’t return. It was months before we discovered you’d been murdered and weren’t a missing person, as police – never me – originally suspected. Twelve years later, we still can’t lay you to rest because your convicted killer, David Hodgson, won’t tell us from his prison cell what he did with your body. His final insult to us. Christmas is never an easy time for anybody who’s lost a loved one, I know. Not knowing where you are after all this time makes it even harder. But your dad Brian (61) and I have always tried to make the best of our situation by remembering all our wonderful times with you. He retired soon after you left us and we moved to the North East, which is where we’ll be raising a glass to you this Christmas and reminiscing. I can still picture Molly, your beloved pet dog, after you’d dressed her up for that last Christmas Day in a fuzzy Christmas hat and coat. And your delighted face when you opened your surprise present – a mobile phone. But if I had to choose a favourite Christmas, I’d probably say it was 1985. You were eleven weeks old and we’d just moved from Northern Ireland to Germany, where your dad’s Army regiment had been posted. Back to the country where I’d first met him a decade beforehand on a blind date!
Ever since you left home never to return on Thursday, June 30, 2005, I’ve clung to every single memory I have of you. It ’s all I have
He was a young soldier stationed there; I was 19 and working as a nursery nurse. It was love at first sight and we married a year later. We were elated when you came along after your two brothers Christopher (now 39) and James (37). They’re both dads themselves now. James’ eldest son looks just like you! I’ll never forget the day you were born in Ballymena, County Antrim, on October 6, 1985. My little girl! I know every new mum thinks the same, but you were such a beautiful baby. All 7lb 2oz of you with your light blonde hair and blue-grey eyes. Being an Army family, we moved around a lot and it was very important for me to support my husband and be there for my children so a career of my own was impossible. I don’t regret it for a minute. Especially now… Ever since you left home never to return on Thursday, June 30, 2005, I’ve clung to every single memory I have of you. It’s all I have. Like that first Christmas as a family. We celebrated surrounded by wooden packing boxes with Yo Ho Ho imprinted on them. We’d only landed there on December 18 but somehow I managed to get Christmas dinner on the table and buy gifts for everyone. By the time you started school, we were back in Germany after a couple of years in England. You’d become such a tomboy and hated that grey uniform pinafore, preferring to wear trousers like your brothers. By your sixth Christmas, the Gulf War had started and your Dad couldn’t be with us. That was when he sent you the teddy in soldier uniform that you always kept on your bed. When the Army filmed fifilmed the families’ carol service, you wore a hat saying ‘Hi Dad!’ so he’d be able to spot you when it was shown in Kuwait. By eight or nine, we were heading to North Yorkshire. You may not have been the greatest academic at St Mary’s RC Primary School but you were the first girl to play for their football team! We were all so happy there. You were so popular, sporty and musical. You loved your guitar, playing in your teenage band, and were always belting out rock tunes in your bedroom. How many times did we yell upstairs about the noise level to no avail? After leaving school at 17, you worked at the local Co-op while deciding which career path to follow. Sadly, you never got that chance. We’ve searched for you, appealed on Crimewatch for information and yet still don’t know exactly what happened or where you are. We were subjected to all sorts of rumours but it seems you had a secret relationship with Hodgson – the father of one of your friends and much older than you. After your DNA was found along with your soldier teddy, little stereo and a piece of your red pyjama top in a hidden den in woods west of Richmond, he was charged with murder. He denied it but was convicted and sentenced to life in prison with a minimum 18-year term. It was a relief, but we still can’t give you a final resting place. That is why I’m supporting the campaign for Helen’s Law to deny convicted killers’ parole until they reveal their victims’ whereabouts. Until that happens, I have a strong faith, four grandchildren and a million happy memories to cling to and keep me going.