Carers in touch
Welcome... to the Sharing the Caring pages, where we share uplifting stories from readers. Here’s how Heather Hooper turned her mum’s dementia into something positive
Heather Hooper’s mum, Cecilia, lived near her daughter in sheltered housing and they saw each other daily. When her mum started to behave uncharacteristically and became more forgetful, the family put it down to the fact that she was getting older. Over a couple of years, Cecilia’s behaviour became more of a worry and she was eventually diagnosed with vascular dementia. Heather says: “The situation was taken out of my hands when Mum started walking out at night and becoming vulnerable; it became unsafe for her to remain on her own.” Cecilia needed specialist care but Heather, an only child, devoted to her mum, found it hard to entrust her to someone else’s care. “I thought that no one could look after Mum like I could, but I found that they could. I realised it wasn’t about me, my feelings of guilt and not coping, it was about what was best for her,” she says. “Having no option other than to accept the situation, I came to realise that relatives are not always the best people to care for a loved one. I didn’t give up caring, I shared responsibility with the staff and health authorities. “Mum having to go into a home didn’t mean I gave up, or was a failure. Her safety was non-negotiable. “Unless dementia has touched your life, you have no idea what it is like,” says Heather. “I couldn’t reason with Mum; if she said the sky was yellow, it was yellow. I couldn’t believe she really didn’t know me, her only child and much-loved daughter. I soon learned not to argue with her and love her unconditionally.” Cecilia lived in care for four years before she died on Mother’s Day 2015 and, after her death, Heather initially thought she wanted nothing more to do with dementia. Five months later, she decided to use the experience and skills she learned to help other carers. She attended a Dementia Friends Information Session and committed to train as a Dementia Champion and now, as a volunteer, presents information sessions within her community. Heather says: “A person with dementia is still the same person they were, they just cannot express nor remember their past. “Every carer needs support. You think you can do it alone, but really you can’t. The hardest part for me was picking up the phone and asking for help. ” She also found the Alzheimer’s Society talking point forum a huge help. “The work I do is in Mum’s memory,” says Heather. “We walked the path together and together through this experience we can help others. I wanted to turn a horrible experience into something positive.”
Find out about the Dementia Friends Information Sessions – www.dementiafriends.org.uk Contact the Alzheimer’s Society For more information call the National Dementia helpline on 0300 222 1122 or visit www.alzheimers.org.uk Join the free Yours Carers in Touch scheme where you can be in touch with other carers. See next page