Carers in touch
‘Mum’s move was the right decision’
When Anne Papworth noticed her memory was starting to fail, she made a decision that was to change her life. Getting together with her three daughters, she announced that she wanted to move into care. It was Anne’s way of saving her much-loved daughters the anguish of telling her that she couldn’t live alone any more. “I didn’t want to tie the family down through caring for me,” says Anne (88). “They’ve got their own lives to lead and I didn’t want to be a burden to them so I made the decision to move before they had to make it for me.” Anne’s daughter Jo (66) says the news came like a bolt out of the blue for her and her sisters Lynette and Jeanine. Anne now wants to encourage other people who are struggling to cope at home to consider supported living – where a person can retain their independence with their own flat, but where meals and care are available. “About 18 months ago, I began to struggle to remember things,” she says. “I knew I had a problem and was diagnosed with the early stages of dementia. I was always having to get my family round to help me and decided that wasn’t fair.” Once Anne made her decision to leave the home she shared with her muchloved husband, Ted, until his death in 1983, the family set about finding a new home. Jo says: “Mum is fiercely independent and we wanted her to be able to care for herself with back-up support. Supported living is ideal.” Anne admits it was a huge wrench leaving the family home and getting rid of so many treasured items. “I’d kept every card my children had written and every one from my parents and husband,” she says. “I love clothes and had thousands of photos.” Jo says it was, “really, really tough,” helping her mum to sort out the contents of her home. Anne says she cried all day when she left and Jo says she thought her heart would break when she left her mum in her new flat. “It was like the day I first left my daughter at Uni. Watching Mum waving from the window was really hard.” But within a couple of weeks, Anne had settled down and now she wouldn’t change her new way of life for anything.
It took a while for Anne to realise she could ask the carers for help instead of her family but now everyone has settled into a new routine. “I absolutely love my new home,” says Anne. Jo adds, “Now when we visit, we have fun instead of doing Mum’s shopping or washing. We go out to lunch or just have tea and a chat. We’ve got peace of mind and Mum is happy. It’s a perfect solution all round.”
Extra-care housing offers residents more support than sheltered housing but it enables them to retain their independence. Personal care and support services are available 24 hours a day but residents live in their own flats. Contact the Elderly Accommodation Counsel www.eac.org.uk or call Freephone 0800 377 7070 for more details