‘There are no problems, just solutions’
Allen and Jenny Bett have been happily married for 30 years and, like most couples, they were looking forward to a fulfilling retirement.
They both worked fulltime – Allen as an advertising manager and Jenny in a transport office. They loved holidays and spending time with Jenny’s two children from her first marriage. Life changed completely for them both in March 2012 when Allen (60) felt a dramatic crack in his hip that had been replaced six years previously.
Doctors were initially baffled by Allen’s condition and diagnosed sciatica. Over the next few weeks Allen suffered ‘indescribable pain’ and he knew there was something seriously wrong. He spent weeks in hospital where he contracted E-coli and almost died. Eventually he had major surgery to remove the hip replacement which had caused the problems. Jenny says: “I was told that Allen most likely wouldn’t survive the surgery and his last words to me before the operation were, ‘I trust you with my life Jenny’. More stress was to follow as Allen spent weeks in intensive care with Jenny sleeping at his bedside. When he eventually went home, it was in a wheelchair and he’s never walked since. Allen was unable to work again and Jenny (62) gave up work to be his carer.
“It was sink or swim,” says Jenny. “We had little official support and we knew nothing about disabilities or how disabled people cope but I wanted to care for Allen myself. I’ve always been a strong person but our situation has made me even stronger.
“I refuse to let Allen’s disability get in the way of us enjoying life. I could easily get very annoyed when people speak to me instead of to Allen or they just stare at us. I don’t get upset, I just ignore them. You just have to find a different way of doing things.”
Allen says he started off feeling very sorry for himself using a wheelchair and relying on Jenny for help. He went for a psychic reading and got a message from his favourite late aunt to who told him to pull himself together! That was the turning point in accepting his situation.
Jenny and Allen try to enjoy every day. Neither of them used to be ‘gym people’ but they now visit the gym five times a week where Allen builds up the strength in his arms. Jenny is training in a bid to join the World’s Strongest Woman competition and they both love keeping fit. They also go abroad two or three times a year – carefully planning ahead to make sure facilities are suitable for Allen. Life is now very different, but Allen’s outlook on life is “There are no problems, just solutions.” Jenny is the first to admit that life as a carer can be very challenging and it isn’t always plain sailing. “Meditation saved me when Allen was seriously ill; I still meditate for 15 minutes every morning to prepare for the day ahead. I hope we can encourage other people that you can still enjoy life even if it doesn’t turn out how you expected it to.”