‘Writing is a huge help’
When Margaret Jones lost her beloved son Colin 12 years ago at the age of just 33, she truly thought her heart would break. Colin, who had schizophrenia, died during an evening out with his girlfriend and his father. He stepped outside for a cigarette during a meal and died after a collision with a lorry. Margaret had been at home that night and she immediately blamed herself for not going out for the family meal.
“I thought if I’d been there, I’d have followed him outside. Of course I probably wouldn’t have done and I couldn’t have stopped what happened,” says Margaret. “You never really get over losing a child. I still miss Colin.”
Margaret (74) and her husband, Pat, struggled to come to terms with the death of Colin but they faced their loss together. Sadly, Margaret faced another unexpected loss five years ago when Pat (79) died suddenly from pneumonia. Pat’s death brought back the grief of losing Colin and for the first year after his death, Margaret did nothing but work in her garden. “Gardening took over my life,” she says. “I didn’t want to go anywhere or see anyone. That helped me to cope, but the other important thing was my diary. From the day Colin died, I kept a detailed diary and I still write in it every day. I find writing my deepest thoughts on paper is a huge help.”
A year after Pat’s death, Margaret, a former orthopaedic nurse, began volunteering at a Sue Ryder charity shop and this gave her a new lease of life – making new friends and learning to use the till to keep her brain active. “I’d recommend volunteering to anyone on their own,” she says. Margaret admits that life isn’t easy – she’s had three small strokes and suffers from polymyalgia. She still misses Pat and Colin, but now feels better able to cope.
“I used to think ‘why me?’ Now I think ‘why not?’ Life has been hard but I’ve got my son, Alan, and my daughter-in-law, Ruth and my lovely little granddaughter, Ellie. I’ve started a new phase of life that’s just for me. When I started volunteering, I felt as though a cloud had lifted and my diaries still help me unload my thoughts. My diaries have always been black but this year I bought a red one and feel as though my spirits have now lifted.”