RELATIONSHIP CORNER

We all have our own hopes and dreams for retirement, but what happens if they don’t fit with what our loved ones want to do? Our experts tackle two common dilemmas.

Q I want to travel in retirement but my husband wants to stay at home. What do I do?

A: Barbara Bloomfield, Relationship and Family Counsellor for the charity Relate (www.relate.org.uk): “Look to your wider circle of relatives and friends to see if there’s someone else who can help you realise your dreams.

Also consider options for solo travellers. You may find your partner changes his mind anyway as he doesn’t want to be left out.”

A: Richard Jackson, CEO of Mancroft International: “If one of your values is, ‘I love my husband,’ and the other is, ‘I want to go travelling’, one of them has to win. You need to decide which takes priority, or if there’s a compromise you can come to, for example, travelling for less time than you thought. If you don’t go travelling in the end though, you can’t spend your life saying he stopped you going. He didn’t stop you, your values of loving your husband more than travelling is what stopped you and I believe that you should be proud, not a victim, of that value.”

Q I want to fill my days with volunteering but my daughter has already got me down for babysitting the grandchildren every day. I don’t know what to do!

A: Cath McAlonan, who offers retirement coaching courses for LaterLife (www.laterlifetraining.co.uk): “Speak to your daughter about your aspirations for retirement as soon as possible – otherwise she may assume you want to spend all your time childminding. Also, get a diary so if you’re asked to babysit you can say, ‘let me check my diary to see if I’m free’. If you don’t do that you become the default person to ask, but having a diary shows you have a busy, fulfilled life and you’re taking your retirement seriously.”