The spilt milk exercises
is to learn to accept the uncertainty of how things are right now. “We like to think we’re in charge of our lives, but actually we have very little control over the world,” he explains. “Life, by its very nature, is uncertain and if we can start to accept that, rather than rail against it, we will feel a lot calmer. Wanting absolute certainty on everything, that’s what makes us anxious. Instead, we can learn to accept that if something happens, we’ll cope with it.” Are you prone to catastrophising? This exercise can help. “When I ask people to imagine a bottle of spilt milk, they tend to imagine a big, messy puddle,” says Dr Harry. “But I’m talking about a bottle with just one drop of milk in it.” If you are worrying excessively about something, imagine the spilt milk. “Is it a drop or a puddle – and do you have absolute proof?” asks Dr Harry.
Managing change
There is a huge amount of change going on, not just on a personal level, but a national one as we come to terms with the loss of our normal lives. Dr Harry’s advice is to plan ahead. “Write down your long-term goals,” he advises. “If we focus on the short-term we can get caught up in the fear and panic, but in the future we will have the vaccinations and anti-viral drugs. Look to this, and plan what you’ll be doing. We will get through this, but in the meantime take responsibility for your own life and think what practical actions can I take, from enough sleep to exercise to staying connected with family?”
Don’t feel guilt
A lot of older people might be feeling guilt or even shame, says Dr Harry, about everyone having to stay at home. “It’s called ‘self-razing’ – we think it’s our fault or other people are suffering to keep us well. But this shouldn’t be the case. “They (the older and at-risk) are citizens who have done their bit, and now we are doing our bit for them,” says Dr Harry. “It’s up to the rest of us to step up to the plate and show solidarity. We are in this together.”
■ Dr Harry Barry is the author of Emotional Healing (Orion Spring, £14.99) available on June 4 and to pre-order online now