Fostering refugee boys
With more foster homes needed than ever before, we speak to one lady who has helped 25 refugee children find comfort, a new life and more than a little love
Val Smith’s photo albums are packed with smiling faces. But these beams aren’t just those of her own children and seven grandchildren. Instead, side by side, these pictures are the photos of dozens of boys who, while they are no blood relation to her, feel just as much like family. Val has spent the last 12 years as a foster carer for refugee boys, taking in around 25 teenagers who have come from some of the most appalling situations around the world – countries such as Afghanistan, Iraq and Eritrea. Arriving at her door as terrified 14 or 15-year-olds, speaking no
English, Val nourishes, cares for and encourages them, so that four years later they leave her house as confident, independent young men able to secure brilliant jobs and start new lives for themselves.
Val first became a foster carer after her own children grew up and she missed the busy hubbub of having youngsters bustling about the house. Sending in an
application to TACT, the UK’s largest fostering charity, it took around a year to complete the necessary checks and give her the training to deal with some of the challenges of fostering. (Today it takes between five and six months) While TACT fosters children from all different situations, it has a proud history of particularly caring for vulnerable refugee children. These children, of which there is a steady increase in numbers, usually have no family of their own, have left relations behind in their country, or have become split up from their loved ones while making the perilous journey to a place of safety. Many children will have seen terrible things, both in the country they’ve fled and on the passage over, arriving in the UK alone and scared.
When Val first opened her house to foster children, it just so happened that TACT desperately needed someone to look after one of these vulnerable refugee children. As she got to know that first little boy and learned ways to gradually help him trust her, she found an enormous sense of reward from helping such a fragile child grow and flourish. So when more refugee children needed a foster placement, Val had acquired all the necessary experience. Sometimes Val gets a week’s notice about a child who needs a home, while other times she’ll simply get a call to say they’re arriving later that night. “Usually, when I open the door to the boys, they look so sad and hungry and are dirty from walking for days without a wash,” says Val (72). “So I give them food and then they go straight to bed. The next day they have a shower and I take them shopping for clothes.” As the boys don’t speak English when they arrive, over the years Val has drawn on the help of the other boys who’ve been in her care to explain to the new children in their own language that they are safe. “They say to them, ‘It’s okay, Mum will look after you’, as they all call me Mum,” Val says smiling. From there, Val helps all the boys into school, bringing along their English skills by encouraging them to talk the language at home. In time, some boys also choose to confide in Val the stories of the things they’ve experienced, although she never asks them directly. “It makes me so sad as my grandchildren are the same age as these boys and I just wonder how on earth they cope with what they’ve been through,” she says. “For me, I treat every boy like they are my own.”
While she admits there are the normal tantrums and door-slamming you’d expect from looking after any teenager, Val says it’s such a privilege to care for these boys who she always misses terribly when they leave her at the age of 18.
“It’s sad, but I also feel proud that I’ve been able to get them to a place where they can look after themselves,” Val says. Many of the boys have also gone on to do great things, including Shawali who now has a doctorate in structural engineering.
“He’d never been to school when he came here but, with hard work and my support, he’s done so well.” Even after they leave her, all of Val’s boys are a part of her family for life and stay in touch, rushing to help her if ever she needs something. “I’ve been Mum at some of their weddings and am Nanny to their children, it’s wonderful,” she says. “I believe having the boys around has kept me young and to know I’ve helped these poor lads who had no one else is just so lovely.”
‘I’ve been Mum at their weddings and Nanny to their children’