When the caring role ends

Adapting to life once you are no longer caring for someone can be strange at first, but time really is a great healer

Carers devote themselves to looking after other people and when a caring role changes – or ends – it can be a stressful time.

You may find after years of looking after them, their condition deteriorates or you may simply not have the energy to carry on with your role.

Changing health needs may entitle a person to more support, so if you are struggling with caring, contact your local Social Services department and ask for an assessment of the person’s needs. Make sure that you also get an assessment of your own needs as a carer.

If the needs of the person you care for become more than you can manage, they may have to move into a care home. Although this can be a stressful time, it can often be the best option. Carers usually find that, after a period of transition, they settle into a new routine and are able to enjoy time with their loved one without having the stress of physically looking after them.

Make sure you consider all options about home care, sheltered accommodation or extra care supported living before deciding on a move to a care home.

If the person you have been caring for dies, you will face extra challenges; for a start, you will have to deal with bereavement, which is always hard.

Carers often build up relationships with professional people who may have been helping them and if you are used to having people in and out of your house, you may suddenly find your home very quiet. You may well feel very alone at first. It is very common for carers to lose touch with friends and to have had little or no time for outside interests while caring.

It takes time to adjust to a different

If you’re caring for someone with a lifelimiting illness, this free guide is full of useful tips to help you take care of your own needs, too.

■ Call free: 0800 716 146 way of life and after bereavement many carers feel they now have time and freedom to do what they want, but have no energy or incentive to do so. Give yourself time to adapt to changes when your caring role has ended and gradually life will become brighter.

If a partner has gone into care you may be able to sleep better or have the chance to take up a hobby or to go out with friends.

■ If you a carer or if you have lost a lovedone, you’ll find friendship and support in the free Yours Carers in Touch and Yours Forget Me Not groups. Find out how you can join on page 100

Loneliness is something that can happen to anyone at any time. You don’t have to live alone to be lonely and you don’t have to be old. You might be lonely as a carer or you might have recently lost a loved one. Maybe you just live alone and don’t have anyone to talk to?

There are more than six million carers in the UK – Yours supports carers and anyone who has lost a loved one.

Thousands of readers belong to the Carers in Touch and the Forget Me Not groups and many of them have made life-long friendships. Some members write to one another, others are in touch by email or phone. Some meet for coffee, some go on holiday.

The groups have been running for many years now and offer a lifeline to anyone who would like to make some new friends. Lists of new members are sent out to existing

QMy wife has multiple sclerosis and her mobility is very poor. I find life extremely stressful as a carer and worry about leaving her – even to go outside in the garden.

I feel as though I need some space and I would benefit from fresh air, but I constantly worry that my wife may fall while I’m outside or that she might need me for something. Do you have any ideas which may help?

Amembers every two months along with a newsletter including letters, information and poems.

The service is free – just fill in the form (right) and we will do the rest. Please include a full postal address, phone number and your full name.

Yours Reader Care Editor, Rosie Sandall, who runs the groups says: “Yours is the only magazine which regularly supports carers and those who have lost a loved one. The Carers in Touch and the Forget Me Not groups provide friendship and support. You can be sure of a warm welcome from people who really understand how you feel.

I look forward to hearing from you!”

Reader Care Editor

Your concerns are understandable. Carers do worry when they leave a loved one at home – even if they are only going outside to do some weeding! One of the best tips I have heard for this problem is to use a doorbell. Leave the doorbell

■ To join either Carers In Touch or Forget Me Not groups simply complete this form Please tick and complete the relevant details for the group you’d like to join and return it to Rosie at the address below

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For both groups complete your details below

Please sign to confirm that you are happy for these details to be shared with other members of the group with your wife and take the chime into the garden with you. If she needs you, or has a fall, she just needs to press the bell. Another suggestion is to use a baby monitor similar to the ones parents use to check on their infants while they are sleeping. Baby monitors have a decent range and would

Write to Rosie Sandall, Media House, Peterborough, PE2 6EA Or email: rosemary.sandall@bauermedia.co.uk

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Yours

■ enable you to go outside into the garden while still being able to see on a monitor that your wife is safe and well. Happy gardening!

■ Do you have a question for Rosie? Write to her at the address (left) marking your envelope ‘Q and A’