Horoscopes
Astrologer Lynne Ewart predicts what’s in store for you this fortnight
AUG 24-SEPT 22
If it’s your birthday this fortnight...
PISCES
AUGUST 25-SEPT 7 …you are born under Virgo, the quiet analyst who works painstakingly hard to get the details just right. You are a modest, kindly character, usually quite self-contained. Some very fine writers, musicians and artists are born under this sign. Wellbeing and our environment could stir your thoughts more than most, too.
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FEB 19-MARCH 20
GEMINI
MAY 21-JUNE 20
I have to tell you, these masks – I know it’s important we wear them but I simply hate the whole business! My disposable blue ones smell funny, the home-made ones are no good – so I decided to buy a packet of multicoloured ones, in an attempt to be jolly! I chose the red, which I felt was definitely the best colour. When I put it on, my daughter fell about laughing so I whipped it off immediately... My friend makes her own masks out of old bras. Her best friend is very well endowed, a full 38FF – so my friend made one for her, but it covered her whole face. To her amazement her friend loved it, saying it covered her chin, mouth, nose, cheeks… and kept her warm, too! So you see, bras are useful in so many ways!
I still think we are very ageist and sexist in this country. I’m moving house and had booked the carpet man to come and measure up. All the endless forms came out, as they have to know everything these days. ‘So,’ he began: ‘Age?’ I just stared at him. As if I couldn’t hear he said: ‘How old are you?’ I said a line my mother always used: ‘I’m as old as my tongue and a little
■ older than my teeth.’ ‘Is your husband here?’ he continued. I ignored him. ‘I’m guessing retired?’ he murmured. The room was now not just frosty but frozen. ‘I think it would be easier to have someone here I can go over all the questions with next time,’ he said. At which point I picked up my Chihuahua Teddy as if he was a Rottweiler and I was holding him back, and said: ‘You think there’s going to be a next time?’ He ran for his life.
When I was working on the show 5 Go Caravanning recently I was reminded of a filming day with Joan Sims and Kenneth Williams on Carry On Behind (1975). Joan and I were in a caravan and in those days they had no toilets. Joan said: ‘I’m dying to go for a wee’ but we couldn’t go out as they were filming near the door of the caravan. ‘Oh, just pass me that polystyrene cup darling,’ she said, which I did. ‘Joan, are you sure you can manage?’ I said naively. ‘Oh yes Sherrie. I’ve got a very good aim,’ she replied, and indeed got on with the business. Suddenly in walked Kenneth Williams, who totally ignored the situation, but as he walked past Joan he said:
‘No tea for me thank you!’.
Ah what joy.
Sherrie will never forget working with Joan and Kenneth
‘Joan, are you sure you can manage?’ I asked. ‘Oh yes Sherrie... I’ve got a very good aim!’