Four ways to stop people-pleasing

Change your response

People pleasing is a learned behaviour, which means it can be unlearned – but only with a conscious effort. To begin with, Dr Karen advises being mindful about how to respond when being asked a request or favour. “Change automatic ‘yes’ replies, and buy yourself extra time to consider by saying ‘I’ll think about it and get back to you’,” says Dr Karen.

Set boundaries

People pleasing behaviour is often learned from poor personal boundaries, so it’s important to put some in place. “For example you could say, ‘I would like to help you with X, but at the moment I need to prioritise Y'”. says Dr Karen. “Remind yourself that it is healthy to prioritise your needs, then consider someone else’s next.”

Live authentically

Dr Karen also places much importance on living authentically and connecting with who we are and what we value, instead of always doing what others want. “This means declaring your different opinions and pursing what you desire,” says Dr Karen.

Consider therapy

Do you worry about being seen in a negative light? Therapy can be a great way to help you explore what’s behind your need to keep people happy. “Speak to a therapist or counsellor to address deeper concerns or beliefs about coping with saying ‘no’ to people,” says Dr Karen. Even if there doesn’t seem to be a clear cause, therapists can offer guidance on coping strategies to

help you address specific ways you tend to people-please.