A say at the end of life
Proposed law would spare many patients suffering
Lynda Holler, whose husband died of cancer five years ago, wrote last week of her opposition to aid in dying. I, too, lost a loved one at almost the exact same time as she did — and came away with a starkly different view.
My girlfriend, Cathy Quinn, died from tongue cancer June 25, 2014, just a few weeks before Eric Holler. Like him, Cathy was unable to eat, drink, speak, or sleep more than a few hours at a time. And like Eric Holler, she never stopped seeing the value in her life.
Cathy was strong and independent. She was a problem solver. She owned what had happened to her and wanted to live a long life. She made informed, critical health care decisions all throughout her disease.
Cathy was also a realist. She knew that despite her efforts, the cancer could kill her. That being the case, she did not want to be required to suffer an intolerable death against her will. For her, that meant she did not want to suffer in pain, or spend her final days lingering in an unfamiliar facility waiting to die. She didn’t want to feel the cancer choke the life out of her.
When death became imminent for Cathy, she wanted to go in peace. She wanted to go on her own terms. She was in no way confused about the value of her life. To the contrary, she made the most of it, and she had a clear idea as to what was best for her at the very end. Medical aid in dying would have been her choice had it been available.
In the absence of a law to support her desire for a peaceful death, in her own home, alert, and surrounded by those she loved, Cathy planned for her death anyway, on her own terms. She hated violence, so a gun was out. She mentioned she might run her car in the garage. She would have climbed inside garbage bags so as not to leave a mess.
She didn’t tell me if or when this might happen, probably to protect me from knowing too much. I don’t think she realized the terrible anxiety I felt each time I drove to her house, anticipating the sight of exhaust billowing from her garage door when I opened it.
Eventually, she let me in on her final plan to overdose with pain meds and alcohol. We said our goodbyes, and cried because I couldn’t actually be there with her. Again, she had to be alone for my protection.
I found her lying unconscious on her patio but not dead. I waited to see if she would pass. I paced all afternoon and into the night, waiting. It was the worst day of my life. Finally, in what seemed to me a betrayal of her final wishes, I took her to the hospital. When she regained consciousness the next day, doctors told us she was fortunate not to have brain damage. Their experience was that others who tried this were not so lucky.
Cathy was devastated she didn’t have the death she wanted. A death available one state over but cruelly out of reach.
Cathy died several weeks later in a hospice facility she had never seen and to which she had no connection. I took her there, in what felt like a second betrayal, after she suffered grand mal seizures, lost consciousness and I was unable to care for her at home.
Contrary to Lynda Holler’s claims, the Medical Aid in Dying Act has numerous protections that work as intended in other states where it is legal, without any documented abuse. Among those protections: Two physicians must confirm the adult patient has an incurable terminal illness and less than six months to live. If either doctor has concerns about a patient’s mental capacity, they must make a referral to a mental health professional. When a patient makes the request, the physician must inform the patient of all end-of-life-care options, including hospice and pain management.
Finally, MAID is not “assisted suicide,” as opponents so frequently claim. The American Association of Suicidology has stated that physician aid in dying is not the same as suicide. Suicide occurs when people take their own life when they would otherwise live a long life. People who choose MAID are not choosing to die; they are choosing a peaceful death over an extended intolerable one.
My condolences to the Holler family. I’m glad they were able to navigate death in a way preferable to them. Had MAID been available in 2014, it would not have altered their experience, but it would have made a world of difference to Cathy and me. Cathy deserved better, as do the rest of New Yorkers. I urge our lawmakers to pass the Medical Aid In Dying Act.
When death became imminent for Cathy, she wanted to go in peace. She wanted to go on her own terms. She was in no way confused about the value of her life. To the contrary, she made the most of it, and she had a clear idea as to what was best for her at the very end.
Scott Barraco lives in Rochester. Cathy Quinn chronicled her struggle with cancer at http://owmytongue. blogspot.com.