Winter break breaks

With the pandemic keeping options low, here are some safe, thrifty choices./

DEAR CAROLYN: I don’t know how to deal with my feelings about how the COVID-19 vaccinations are rolling out. I have a very close group of friends, none of whom are high-risk. A couple have managed to get vaccinated through what I think is some level of abuse of privilege. One is a doctor, but hasn’t seen a live patient or stepped into a store since March, but qualified for a vaccine because she’s affiliated with a hospital that offered them. Another also-fully-remote worker, who does not leave the house, lives in a state that allows the public to volunteer at vaccination centers and offers them a vaccine, which feels problematic because only so many people can volunteer a full day of time.

I’m conflicted because ideally I think everyone who wants to should be able to get vaccinated right now as doses sit on shelves. But something about these specific stories isn’t sitting right with me.

I’ve reacted by just not participating in this group’s conversations, but is there a better way?

— Anonymous DEAR ANONYMOUS: Yes. Release it. Let go of any sense of responsibility for individual outcomes like this. Tell your friends, "Good for you," and be glad for each micro-step toward collective immunity that isn’t slam-dunk-grotesquely entitled: bit.ly/vxfakers.

The rules are the rules and neither you nor your friends made them. When the rules serve up a legitimate opportunity, it makes sense to take it.

You are certainly entitled not to, in hopes that your dose will go to someone you believe needs it more.

But neither you nor your friends would have any say in who gets the shots you turn down, if anyone, so who’s to say your sacrifice serves a greater good? The only certainty you have is that shots need to find arms, so when your number is called, it’s OK to stand up and say "Here!" And maybe jump up and down and wave.

I answer this question at my peril, because I file in advance and to call current events "subject to change" these days is understatement to the point of hilarity.

But there’s a theme here that will outlast the vaccine-rollout story, and leads to another point:

When something dominates the national news, it’s common to feel highly engaged but also mostly, if not entirely, helpless. We feel it but we can’t fix it. So our very normal, healthy impulses to do something start to wander around, looking for a place to go.

And like any entity with a lot of energy and nothing to do, these impulses start to cause trouble around the neighborhood. Namely, we can feel very tempted to judge, correct, fixate on, fume at and try to micromanage what we see, or rename it Karen. Our friends, relatives, neighbors, colleagues, that guy behind us in the checkout line.

Sometimes bystanders must get involved, of course, as the last line of defense against bullies, abusers, even terrorists.

But most of the time, and especially when the impact of the person we’re correcting is drop-in-the-bucket negligible — or when the stakes are highly abstract — we risk doing more harm by butting in than by a strategic choice to look the other way. Our affectionate ties to others, after all, are the most potent, underrated weapon we have against just about every threat we face as people.

So when you catch your sense of righteousness loitering outside the minimart, looking for trouble, please call it home and find it something constructive to do.

FICTION

1. THE RUSSIAN, by James Patterson and James O. Born. The 13th book in the Michael Bennett series. An assassin killing a number of women might disrupt the detective’s wedding plans.

Last week: — Weeks on list: 1

2. THE DUKE AND I, by Julia Quinn. The first book in the Bridgerton series. Daphne Bridgerton’s reputation soars when she colludes with the Duke of Hastings. The basis of the Netflix series “Bridgerton.”

Last week: 1 Weeks on list: 5

3. THE VISCOUNT WHO LOVED

ME, by Julia Quinn. The second book in the Bridgerton series. Kate Sheffield gets in the way of Anthony Bridgerton’s intent to marry.

Last week: 12 Weeks on list: 5

4. THE VANISHING HALF, by Brit Bennett. The lives of twin sisters who run away from a Southern Black community at age 16 diverge as one returns and the other takes on a different racial identity but their fates intertwine.

Last week: 3 Weeks on list: 35

5. THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY, by

Matt Haig. Nora Seed finds a library beyond the edge of the universe that contains books with multiple possibilities of the lives one could have lived.

Last week: 4 Weeks on list: 9

6. THE INVISIBLE LIFE OF ADDIE

LARUE, by V.E. Schwab. A Faustian bargain comes with a curse that affects the adventure Addie Larue has across centuries.

Last week: 5 Weeks on list: 12

7. AN OFFER FROM A GENTLEMAN, by Julia Quinn. The third book in the Bridgerton series. Sophie Beckett spends time in the arms of Benedict Bridgerton during a masquerade ball.

Last week: — Weeks on list: 1

8. THE PUSH, by Ashley Audrain. A devastating event forces a mother who questions her child’s behavior and her own sanity to confront the truth.

Last week: 6 Weeks on list: 2

9. ROMANCING MISTER BRIDGERTON, by Julia Quinn. The fourth book in the Bridgerton series. Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton discover each other’s secrets.

Last week: — Weeks on list: 4

10. FIREFLY LANE, by Kristin Hannah. A friendship between two women in the Pacific Northwest endures for more than three decades.

Last week: 10 Weeks on list: 2

NONFICTION

1. JUST AS I AM, by Cicely Tyson with Michelle Burford. The late iconic actress describes how she worked to change perceptions of Black women through her career choices.

Last week: — Weeks on list: 1

2. A PROMISED LAND, by Barack Obama. In the first volume of his presidential memoirs, Barack Obama offers personal reflections on his formative years and pivotal moments through his first term.

Last week: 1 Weeks on list: 11

3. CASTE, by Isabel Wilkerson. The Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist examines aspects of caste systems across civilizations and reveals a rigid hierarchy in America today.

Last week: 2 Weeks on list: 26

4. GREENLIGHTS, by Matthew Mcconaughey. The Academy Awardwinning actor shares snippets from the diaries he kept over the last 35 years.

Last week: 3 Weeks on list: 15

5. UNTAMED, by Glennon Doyle. The activist and public speaker describes her journey of listening to her inner voice.

Last week: 4 Weeks on list: 47

6. EXTRATERRESTRIAL, by Avi Loeb. The Harvard science professor shares his theory that a piece of advanced technology created by a distant alien civilization recently visited our solar system.

Last week: — Weeks on list: 1

7. LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I MEAN, by Joan Didion. A collection of 12 pieces written between 1968 and 2000 that includes observations on the underground press and the act of writing.

Last week: — Weeks on list: 1

8. THE DEVIL YOU KNOW, by Charles M. Blow. The New York Times Op-ed columnist gives a call to action for Black people to achieve equality on their own terms.

Last week: — Weeks on list: 1

9. THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE,

by Bessel van der Kolk. How trauma affects the body and mind, and innovative treatments for recovery.

Last week: 7 Weeks on list: 23

10. BECOMING, by Michelle Obama. The former first lady describes her journey from the South Side of Chicago to the White House, and how she balanced work, family and her husband’s political ascent.

Last week: 6 Weeks on list: 96