Looking back on decade of marriage equality
Advocates say despite milestone for LGBTQ rights, work continues
The principal of Albany High School came prepared.
Dale Getto had purchased the rings over a year prior, just in case. For months, she already knew who was going to officiate.
Getto, 53, and her partner, Barbara Laven, 53, became one of the first same-sex couples married in New York — a decade ago at 12:01 a.m. July 24.
Now, 10 years later, they can laugh that they are still married and reflect on one of the happiest days of their lives. It was a day they never thought would happen, but one, looking back, they see as a milestone in a relentless fight for LGBTQ rights.
“Really what I think is important to say right now is it’s not over,” Getto said. “Maybe it’s just begun. There were a lot of things that we’ve taken for granted in these 10 years, like whoop-whoop, right? But the fight is still out there. We have the privilege and freedom of being married, but there are people locally and in America who are still fighting.”
That special day was a result of the state government’s passage of the Marriage Equality Act, which, after a failed attempt two years prior, legalized same-sex marriage in New York. It contributed to a groundswell of support nationally that eventually culminated with the U.S. Supreme Court knocking down the ban on same-sex marriages.
That period in 2011 marked a rare, and ever-fleeting, moment of cooperation on a contre-versial bill between increasingly polarized political parties in the state. It also spotlighted the political savvy of then-newly elected Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo
and his ability to broker a deal amid a substantive shift in public opinion that LGBTQ activists believe they helped usher in, according to interviews with politicians, activists and advocates who had a stake in the legislation.
For some elected officials and activists it was a triumph and also represented a significant moment in the transgender rights movement in New York. But for others, the political infighting, calculated tactics to turn votes and, in at least one case, the death threats that followed, have left a more complicated aftereffect.
Many look back at the passage of same-sex marriage as helping to further open up the dialogue for the transgender rights movement. Others see it as a melancholy moment when the gay rights community was unable to do enough for the transgender rights group. It wasn’t until eight years later, in 2019, that transgender people saw similar protections afforded to them through the Gender Expression Non-discrimination Act.
“There have been times when they have not been incorporated into our movements and those are times that I’m very ashamed of my community,” said Assemblyman Daniel O’donnell, a Manhattan Democrat who was a chief sponsor of the Marriage Equality Act and a staunch supporter of gay and transgender protections over the last two decades. “I’m very proud to work with the trans community on the needs that they have and to get them what they need.”
Nearly a decade prior to the passage of the Marriage Equality Act, state Sen. Tom Duane put forward a same-sex marriage bill.
It was 2002.
“At the time, it was a little bit controversial,” Duane said. “The establishment gay organizations and advocates were very concerned that it might cause backlash.”
It was not that he thought it would pass, Duane said, but rather he wanted to get people talking about it.
He had already pushed for several foundational pieces of gay rights legislation. The Hate Crimes Act of 2000 allowed officials to tally up offenses against the LGBTQ community.
The Sexual Orientation Non-discrimination Act in 2002 provided a host of benefits to the gay community.
The marriage equality dialogue reached critical mass in 2009.
One week after Duane’s mother died, the Manhattan Democrat received a message from Gov. David Paterson. He sent his condolences. He also told the senator that his samesex marriage bill was going to be on the Senate’s calendar and would be up for a vote.
Duane, the first openly gay senator in the state Legislature, realized he made a terrible political mistake: He said he thought they had enough votes to secure a victory to legalize same-sex marriage.
“It was disappointing and it felt like a setback, but it wasn’t a shock,” said Assemblywoman Deborah Glick, a fellow champion of LGBTQ rights. She said she had seen “all manner of women’s rights denied,” especially in the previously Republican-controlled Senate.
Duane still believes there were more than enough senators who
Many look back at the passage of same-sex marriage as helping to further open up the dialogue for the transgender rights movement. Others see it as a melancholy moment when the gay rights community was unable to do enough for the transgender rights group.
supported same-sex marriage. Democrats and Republicans had given him their word they would vote for it. When it came down to a vote, the Republican Party decided to vote against the bill wholesale, especially with some Democrats also voting against it.
He said the votes were based less on moral objections to same-sex marriage than a desire to hold onto political power by preserving political donations.
“The whole debate around marriage, even its failing and disappointment, I think actually garnered more support for it around the state,”
Duane said.
By 2010, Cuomo was running for office and campaigned on a platform that included same-sex marriage, which was gaining traction in political polls. Duane and other activists attribute that in part to pop culture but also to their prior attempts to pass the legislation.
Politicians and activists have given mixed credit to Cuomo for the passage of the same-sex marriage law. Some viewed it as a moment where all the pieces came together; others saw it as a major accomplishment for the now-embattled governor. But many of those supporters have steered clear of the sexual harassment allegations that have engulfed the governor this year, apparently willing to separate his troubles from his prior political accomplishments.
Cuomo, through his spokesman Richard Azzopardi, declined to comment for this story.
Looking back, some advocates view the passage of the Marriage Equality Act as Cuomo’s marquee accomplishment — and a demonstration of what they see as the governor’s ability to navigate a politically divisive issue and flip enough votes to find success.
“We came into office in 2011 with a clear objective, which was to pass the Marriage Equality Act,” said Alphonso David, a former counsel and confidant of Cuomo’s. (He is now the president of the Human Rights Campaign — the first person of color to serve in that role.)
David, who identifies as gay and had been a deputy secretary and chief legal adviser to Cuomo, said he and Katherine Grainger, a former assistant counsel in the governor’s administration, drafted the bill, which explicitly carved out exemptions for religious institutions.
It was important to make clear to Republican and some Democratic lawmakers, David said, that marriage was a civil act by the government, not to be conflated with what religious leaders may decide is appropriate.
The idea of focusing on marriage as a civil act is something O’donnell said he first did in 2009.
Beginning in January 2011, David said, the governor’s office convened
weekly meetings to discuss strategy on how to pass the bill.
The meetings included representatives of advocacy organizations.
They monitored polling and field reports. They focused on Republican senators who they thought could be swayed, especially if they provided more education to “demystify” same-sex marriage, he said.
“We had to work very strategically and very deliberately to address those fears and concerns,” David said.
Those on the ground included Marty Rouse, who was helping to manage the grass-roots efforts to pass same-sex marriage for the Human Rights Campaign, which included overseeing 32 field organizers in 2011.
At supermarkets in conservative districts, Rouse remembers talking to people pushing shopping carts who were either in favor of the Marriage Equality Act or just wanted them to move to other issues, but were rarely, if ever, opposed to it.
“It’s not just winning over hearts and minds, you have to play hardball electoral politics as well,” said Rouse, whose work was under the umbrella coalition, New Yorkers for Marriage Equality. He is now with the National Democratic Institute.
Rouse would hear from the governor’s team, if, for example, they learned a senator wasn’t hearing much from their constituents; Rouse’s team or volunteers and paid organizers would head to that area and “made sure that state senator heard from a lot of constituents.”
“We were very engaged on the ground in coordination with the leadership, of sensing what was happening in Albany,” Rouse said. “However you make the sausage, we knew what ingredients to put in when.”
David recalled days he went without sleep. He would sleep with the bill under his pillow, he said, and wake at 2:30 a.m. to reread a sentence.
Politicians critiqued the bill for its religious-exemption carve-outs, which Duane called “very dangerous.”
But David and others in favor of them saw the language that clearly exempted religious leaders from having to marry a same-sex couple as necessary to win over the needed votes to pass the monumental bill.
“This would not have happened without the efforts of Gov. Cuomo at the time,” Stuart Appelbaum, the president of the Retail, Wholesale and Department Store Union, said.
Appelbaum was on the board of the influential Empire State Pride Agenda at the time. He said he was in the room when Cuomo asked whether the administration should try to go ahead and pass marriage equality.
Cuomo’s daughters played a role by encouraging him to support gay marriage, according to Libby Post, founder of Empire State Pride Agenda.
In the process of pushing for the votes, Post said, advocates assured Republicans a vote for same-sex marriage would not cost them their seat.
Four Republicans ended up voting for same-sex marriage, even though Duane said there were many more who privately were in favor of it and came up to him afterward to celebrate the passage.
“He really jawboned some of the recalcitrant senators,” Glick said of Cuomo. “I think he gets a fair amount of credit for pushing senators.”
Out of the four Republicans, only one held onto their seat in the next election, Sen. Mark Grisanti. By 2014, Grisanti lost re-election in the primary. Sen. James Alesi chose not to run for re-election. Sens. Roy Mcdonald, of Wilton, and Stephen Saland, whose district included Columbia and Dutchess counties, lost their bids for re-election immediately following the vote.
“It was distressing that happened,” Post said. “Nonetheless, they were very brave and we appreciate their vote.”
Cuomo later appointed Alesi, Grisanti and Saland to statewide positions.
The issue was personal for O’donnell, as it was for the few LGBTQ colleagues of his who were pushing forward on the cause.
O’donnell’s efforts on the bill led him to receive death threats for a period of time afterward, he said.
Like his colleagues, he vividly remembers the day it passed, the Pride Parade in New York City that followed and the first days in which people like himself could get married.
The politics of it all left a bit of a “sanguine feeling,” Rouse, the Human Rights Campaign organizer, said. Others felt similarly.
What was more challenging though, they said, were the days to come in the backlash they felt from Senate Republicans
It’s not just winning over hearts and minds, you have to play hardball electoral politics as well.” — Marty Rouse
who they say stymied LGBTQ legislation for seven years while in the majority.
“It was a sad demarcation of moderate Republicanism and the ushering in of (President Donald) Trump,” Sen. Brad Hoylman said. “Instead of embracing the change that they helped usher through, Republicans turned against their colleagues who helped pass marriage equality.”
Hoylman, a Manhattan Democrat, came into office in 2012, riding in part the wave of the LGBTQ moment. He entered as Duane exited. And while Democrats were in the minority in the Senate until recently, he said,
New York fell behind on leading the LGBTQ movement.
The backlash that progressive lawmakers saw from the passage of the Marriage Equality Act in the state Legislature in the years that followed, Hoylman and other politicians have likened to today’s backlash in Republican states against transgender youth rights following the election of President Joe Biden over Trump.
“It is deeply offensive and reprehensible, but it is illustrative to me of the fact that our battle for equality is intertwined,” said Omar Gonzalez-pagan, senior attorney at Lambda Legal, a firm that has argued before the U.S. Supreme Court for
LGBTQ rights.
“What may be seen as a victory for a subset of our community can create backlash for another set of our community. Ultimately we are all in this boat together.”
The bills targeted at transgender youths in Republican-controlled states have helped provide additional emphasis to set new agendas for the LGBTQ Democrats in charge in New York.
“For us, the priorities of the trans communities are our priorities,” said Rose Christ, president of the Stonewall Democratic Club of New York City, which advocates for the election of LGBTQ Democrats to public office.
The priorities of the transgender and gay rights movements have not always been hand-in-hand, experts and politicians say.
“The trans community was left behind,” Glick said.
O’donnell and Hoylman earlier this month helped pass the Gender Recognition Act, which in part streamlines the process for trans people to update their gender on their state ID. Advocates celebrated
it as a major and longawaited milestone.
The slow push for transgender rights now a decade after the passage of same-sex marriage is bittersweet for Tandra Lagrone, CEO of In Our Own Voices, an Albanybased advocacy group for LGBTQ people of color.
Lagrone remembers pushing for equal rights for people who are transgender during the internal policy debates around the
Marriage Equality Act, but those efforts fell on deaf ears, she said. The passage of same-sex marriage went around the question of gender, which was not addressed until about eight years later.
“It’s not like it wasn’t being told to folks at that time,” Lagrone said. “I think people made the conscious decision of what was going to more palatable for people to swallow.”
Lagrone recalls the time as being very focused on wealthier, white gay people and not the issues that were in front of the most persecuted, female transgender people of color.
“People that the finish line was marriage, and,
well, yes, for a lot of white LGBTQ individuals, it was,” Lagrone said.
Lagrone hopes that politicans put the most afflicted to the front of the line and let them lead the conversations. She said the Legislature or governor should commission a special committee, perhaps under the guise of minority health or human rights, led by people like transgender people of color.
“If you ask, ‘Are we a little better than we were 10 years ago?’ Yeah, a little bit. ‘Are Black and brown people still hurting?’ Absolutely,” Lagrone said.
Other activists are looking for additional support services for LGBTQ seniors, more support for chronic homelessness among the population and additional medical support. Hoylman would like to see a museum in Greenwich Village and other memorial items for the movement. It is also “not just about policy, it’s about equality,” Gonzalezpagan said.
Gonzalez-pagan, like others interviewed for this article, remembers the 2011 vote vividly and recalls the days afterward
with jubilance. Younger people say it paved the way forward. For someone like Getto, the now-retired Albany High School principal, it was an affirmation that the government saw them as equal.
“I’m not proud because I was born gay, but I’m proud because I’m no longer afraid to be,” said Fredy Kaplan, who in 2011 was the LGBTQ liaison for the New York State Democratic Committee. “That was a key thing marriage did.”
Kaplan, like Getto, was one of the first people in New York to be married after the Marriage Equality Act — a ceremony that took place in Manhattan. The various movements and accepted, progressive language within those movements can be tough to keep up with, admitted Kaplan, an attorney for the state Department of Education, but the baselines remain steady a decade later.
“Allowing people the freedom to really expand their thoughts about themselves, it’s going to be such a healing thing for this world,” Kaplan said.
For city and town clerks, who were on the front lines of marriage a decade ago, it’s even simpler.
“It’s normal,” Albany City Clerk Danielle Gillespie said. “Love is normal and the expression of love is normal. It is not up to us to determine how love is expressed.”
What may be seen as a victory for a subset of our community can create backlash for another set of our community. Ultimately we are all in this boat together.” — Omar Gonzalez-pagan, senior attorney at Lambda Legal