New Yorkers deserve the right to decide how their lives end
Just before Thanksgiving 2017, my brother, Chris Wessman, was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to the bones. Little things he had been experiencing over the previous few months — his annual extended cough, a pulled rib, and other aches and pains — had been part of something bigger.
Testing and treatment began immediately at Memorial Sloan Kettering, but the next few months were a rough time for him physically and emotionally. He underwent radiation and chemotherapy. By spring 2018, after starting with a new targeted DNA therapy, things started looking up. The tumors started shrinking. He felt able to commit to going back to teaching English that fall at New Jersey City University with a reduced courseload. He was off pain medication and feeling good.
He was building up his strength and by the summer was able to do a family trip to Italy and Portugal that involved a lot of hiking and exertion. His family was thrilled, and his doctors were amazed. He was happy to return to his students.
Around October and November he began to have a very rapid heart rate and was winded when climbing stairs. It was determined that this was caused by the targeted DNA therapy, his “magic pill” that had helped him so much. This was discontinued. For a few months things seemed to be okay.
In March 2019, the pain was back. His wife convinced him to start the painkillers again. He underwent immunotherapy, but that only seemed to help with the
lungs, not the tumors in his bones. There was more radiation, a very painful process for him to remain absolutely still for any length of time. He underwent emergency hip- and shoulder-replacement surgery because his orthopedist was concerned those bones might break at any moment. He was demoralized at the realization that he couldn’t finish the semester and would probably never teach again.
In late May it was suggested he have major back surgery to support the spine to prevent fractures. It would be a long recovery with no guarantee of success and really wouldn’t deal with the cancer itself. Although he wanted to live to be there with his wife to watch their children get started in their careers, he made the decision to end treatment because he was not winning the fight and was in so much pain.
He began hospice care at home because he wanted to be in comfortable surroundings with his family. He was able to do his “farewell tour” with visits from friends and family when he felt up for it. As summer progressed so did the pain, to the point where it took three people to help him use the chamber pot and he was crying out despite the high levels of painkillers he was taking.
We had discussions of how he wanted to die. He was ready to go. He would have committed suicide, but that would disqualify his family from collecting his life insurance, and he wanted to make sure they were provided for. When I told him New Jersey’s Medical Aid in Dying law had just gone into effect on August 1, he contemplated claiming residency there in order to have control over ending his own life. He lamented that we did not have this law in New York.
When it got too difficult to manage the pain with home hospice, he was transferred to Calvary Hospital on the Friday of Labor Day weekend. His struggle finally ended two weeks after his 56th birthday, on September 4, 2019, after almost two years.
If we had a Medical Aid in Dying law in New York, he could have had the option to end the pain and suffering up to three months earlier. He would have been in control.
Here we are, a year and a half later, and my brother’s 17-year old dog is reaching the end of his life. When his family determines the time is right, they can bring him to the vet and have his life quickly and peacefully ended. Why can’t we have that choice for ourselves? Why won't the New York Legislature, at long last, pass the Medical Aid in Dying Act, as it should?