Worried dad speaks up, gets silent treatment

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, a single parent, has a 27-year-old son who has assaulted her several times. He has never worked and has been in trouble with the law because of drugs. Recently, she called me to ask if she and her son could spend the night with me. I told her that because of his past behavior it wasn’t a good idea.

She was very offended and said I would “never see her son again.” After sending me several hurtful emails, she’s no longer speaking to me, despite the fact that I have always taken care of her and listened to her problems about her son.

I deserve an apology — which I won’t receive. But I feel bad about the situation. How do I fix it without apologizing myself? — DAD WITH A DILEMMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAD: Because you know an apology from your daughter won’t be forthcoming, don’t expect one. Considering the fact that your grandson has a tendency to be violent, I don’t blame you for not wanting him in your home. So stand pat. Your daughter will start talking to you again as soon as she needs something.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Mac,” and I come from two different worlds. I am from Europe, but have been living in the U.S. for 15 years. I have many friends, male and female, and I stay in touch with them.

Mac is Native American and believes that in a relationship, your partner should be the only opposite-sex person you spend time with. He doesn’t want me to be in touch with any of my male friends. These are all platonic relationships with guys who share a similar interest. Most of them have wives or girlfriends.

Mac was cheated on in the past. I never have been, so I can’t relate. Am I being unfair, rude or insensitive by wanting to keep my friends? — FRIENDLY FEMALE IN NEVADA

DEAR FRIENDLY FEMALE: Not at all. But you must recognize that your boyfriend has some deep-seated insecurities, and until he is willing to work on them, he will continue trying to control those with whom you keep in contact.

You’re correct that the two of you come from different worlds. If this is what you are willing to tolerate in the long run, continue your romance with Mac. If not, then it’s time for you to make the choice to end it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has an extensive list of health issues, both mental and physical. Last week, we were given the news that he may have pancreatic cancer. He watched his brother die from the same disease, so we know that if he is diagnosed, he may not survive long. The doctors weren’t able to make a definitive diagnosis, so there will be more testing. I love my husband with all my heart and have stood by him through everything.

My dilemma: After we got the news, I started thinking about what may happen to me after he dies. I thought about getting him more life insurance, selling the house, what to do with his belongings — even where I would bury him. Am I a terrible person? I feel guilty for doing it and would appreciate your opinion. — FILLED WITH ALL SORTS OF EMOTIONS

DEAR FILLED: Please stop beating yourself up. I can’t think of a single reason why you should feel guilty for thinking rationally.

You and your husband are going through a traumatic health crisis right now. I hope his diagnosis of a terminal illness is premature and that you will enjoy many more happy years together. However, the two of you are overdue for a conversation about the future — including a review of your health care powers of attorney.