Best conflict resolution often involves talking
Mediation, arbitration can avoid many costs of settling disputes in court
Certainly, throughout history many have studied how conflict occurs. One would think it important in order to avoid mistakes of the past or to develop solutions for the future.
I certainly do not have all the answers, but in the course of resolving over 100,000 civil disputes in 15 years, I’ve noticed some very distinct patterns and a formula that gives rise to conflict. If conflict were a math equation, it would look like this:
conflict = 5 (mis) + distrust ∙ f (emotion) + action
And the explanation: all conflict appears to arise out of five broad categories of conduct.
They are misrepresentation, misappropriation, miscommunication, misunderstanding and/ or mistake.
These five behaviors lead to distrust. The distrust is a function of and compounded by emotions, such as pride, fear, anger, frustration, revenge, etc.
When the emotions are acted upon, conflict occurs.
In other words, when someone lies, steals, takes from you or cheats, it will inevitably lead to distrust. If communication is not clear or improperly understood or intentional, malicious or mistaken behavior occurs, this, too will lead to distrust. Once distrust is present, a large array of human emotions are triggered, which results in conflict.
A simple formula, undoubtedly, examined by sociologists, psychologists, psychiatrists and perhaps even judges over the centuries. Knowing the formula, can we find the fix?
It’s obviously much easier to define the problem than to find the solution. Answers are complicated, or are they? They cer- tainly go to the core of human behavior. To find the answers we would have to explain why people lie, steal, cheat and hurt others. Why don’t we communicate more clearly? Why do mistakes and accidents happen?
Some might argue that the reasons for behaviors that create conflict rest in the Seven Deadly Sins. Surely, pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth, at the very least, form a conduit for disputes.
And the fix? Others might suggest it can be found in the Seven Virtues. One could easily see how honesty, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility might help to resolve disputes.
Why is this important? Because by recognizing the source of any disagreement, you may be able to resolve the dispute.
When you think about it, there are very few ways to resolve conflict. You can ignore it, talk about it, argue about it, fight about it or sue. If you ignore it, at some point it will manifest itself, and usually in a negative way. If you argue or fight about it, the conflict generally becomes worse. What’s left? Talk about it or sue.
If you sue, courts are designed to accept each person’s version of events through the presentation of evidence in a very civil, systematic and methodical way. Thus, it may be just a more expensive and time-consuming way to talk about it. Nevertheless, many turn to the courts for guidance and resolution.
As judges, our duties require us to examine and find the answers to many, but not all, of the questions raised. In truth, often times we are left without all the answers.
Thus, we may only be able to formulate consequences in response to the conflict that has arisen. Consequences take the form of reckoning, reparation, compensation or rehabilitation. We optimistically believe that these formulated consequences will bring a sense of justice to the circumstance in which the parties find themselves.
We hope that in our judgment, the conflict will be fully resolved, the injured will somehow be restored or made whole and that society will remain safe.
The reality of course is often times much different. Courts and judges cannot stop the conflict unless the people involved in the conflict desire an end. We cannot truly change behavior, unless that person desires a change.
Believe it or not, the best and least expensive way to truly resolve the conflict is to talk about it. Find a compromise or some common ground that all are willing to accept as a resolution. There is help for this process. Most courts have established mediation and arbitration programs that allow those involved to talk about their disputes with someone who is trained to help resolve their differences.
If you are involved in any sort of conflict, you may want to ask if there is a mediation or arbitration program available to help resolve the dispute. Mediation and arbitration can save everyone a great deal of time, money and emotion.
Resolution may only be a conversation away.
Frank A. Sedillo is a judge of the Bernalillo County Metropolitan Court. Opinions expressed here are solely those of the judge individually and not those of the court.