THE LIGHTER SIDE

God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Donald Trump ripped Hillary Clinton for taking Clinton Foundation donations from Muslim countries that enslave women. They’re strict. If you’re watching movies in a Saudi hotel room, “Thelma and Louise” lasts only eight minutes because they cut all the scenes with women driving.

Donald Trump said he would meet with the National Rifle Association to discuss a ban on gun sales to anyone on the terrorist watch list or the no-fly list. The NRA wants an appeals process. Fifteen years ago, Teddy Kennedy was accidentally put on the no-fly list when it was obvious he belonged on the no-drive list. Donald Trump repeated his call for a temporary ban on Muslim immigration into the United States to prepare for more thorough background checks. He said that thousands of people in the U.S. are sick with hate. That’s the one problem with Trump’s wall: It traps everyone here.

The National Football League issued a new rule covering the coin flips that occur before every NFL football game. They said that from now on, the coin must visibly turn over in the air. It was getting weird this past year. Every time the referees tossed the coin, Hillary Clinton won.

Hillary Clinton took the title of unquestioned Democratic nominee after she won the New Jersey primary. Now it’s being debated what to call her. Democrats want to call her Hillary Rodham Clinton, Independents like to say Hillary Clinton and to Republicans, she’ll always be Lady Voldemort.

Argus Hamilton is host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Email him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.