Cards reveal a dark view of dads

CHICAGO — The only thing worse than schlepping to the store to buy Mother’s Day cards in May is enduring the search for a decent Father’s Day card in June.

There’s less selection — it seems as though there are half as many to choose from — and the tone of the cards is all over the map.

Out on a hunting expedition with my 14-year-old son, we pored over representations of Neanderthals swearing, and images of pizza and beer.

There were innumerable cartoon dogs — in suits, in laborer attire, in superhero costumes. And caricatures of aged, broken men illustrating the horrible physical aftereffects of decades of child rearing — with plenty of vague references to kid-annoyance-induced drinking.

“All of these cards involve farts, butts or nose-picking,” observed my son, who is not immune to the charms of these topics in certain well-timed contexts. But he was frustrated at not being able to find something right for either his dad or grandfather.

There were wildly crass cards, such as the one with nothing more than a line drawing of a bull over the word “CRAP” on the cover. And laughably sappy ones: “It’s not just mama bears who are fierce, devoted and protective. It’s papa bears, too.”

But it was the earnest ones that drove my son crazy. “All of these are either little kid-ish or weirdly serious,” he complained. “And you can just tell by the font. I’m looking for a normal card, but most of these are like, ‘You are a good man.’”

He wasn’t exaggerating — some of the cards we took a pass on were oddly formal (“You are an important part of our family”) or overly emotional for my crew.

On a separate expedition, my husband, shopping for a card for his own father, took a pass on gems like, “So often words just can’t begin to show how much we feel within.”

But mostly he felt the dark realities of society’s view of fathers. “The subtext here is criticism,” he noted. “Backhanded compliments, allusions to cheapness, goofiness and general incapacity. You’d never see that on Mother’s Day cards.”

According to Leonard Sax, author of the book “Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men,” the degradation of the father figure in America has been happening for a long time.

“The stature of the father figure in the American family has taken a considerable tumble in the past 40 or 50 years. American popular culture illustrates this point dramatically. Forty years ago, television shows such as ‘My Three Sons’ with Fred MacMurray and ‘Father Knows Best’ with Robert Young were popular fare. The father figures played by MacMurray and Young were wise, caring and competent,” wrote Sax.

“‘The Simpsons’ is now the longest-running sitcom in American history ... and shows no signs of slowing down despite (or because of?) the static nature of the lead characters. In particular, the father — Homer Simpson — is always an idiot, always a klutz, always the least intelligent character in any episode, with the possible exception of his son, Bart, or the family dog,” Sax continued. “The popular image of the American father has been transformed from wise patriarch to bumbling buffoon . ... This transformation has muddled the idea of mature manhood in the minds of American boys.”

And yet, the people who write these cards might want to rethink their messaging.

More than ever before, dads are dedicating themselves to being stay-at-home fathers, to being equal child care partners with moms and even taking the lead in caring for elderly parents.

And the people who want to acknowledge them on the third Sunday in June — and who spent an estimated $12.7 billion on Father’s Day last year — aren’t going to shell out money for pricey, crummy cards.

Considering how many dads are not active in their children’s lives, we should encourage those who do play a role in their kids’ upbringing.

Dads have been scientifically proven to positively influence their toddlers’ language development skills, make for happier teens and contribute many other benefits to the family dynamic.

So skip the crass cards and err on the side of sappy. You’ll never go wrong with a hug and an “I love you, Dad.”