THE LIGHTER SIDE

God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Rio cops moved to indict Ryan Lochte and a fellow U.S. men’s swimmer for filing a false police report. It’ll pass. Critics say they embarrassed the United States, but if embarrassing the United States were a federal crime, Joe Biden would be serving life in prison under the Three Strikes Law.

Donald Trump wore the gown of humility in his speech in North Carolina when he said that he regretted saying things during the campaign that might have caused people personal pain. It’s a good start. He could carry Ohio and Pennsylvania if he learns to say please and thank you.

Iraq’s militant cleric Moqtadi al-Sadr angered the Islamic State group by demanding an end to violence against gay Muslims. The terrorists won’t have it. It would be nice if we had someone in Iraq who could root out al-Qaida, smash Islamic State, hold back the Iranians and keep the oil flowing, but we hanged him.

Disneyland raised its ticket prices to $119 for adults and children over 10. The park said it considers anyone over the age of 10 to be an adult. Roman Polanski just told the judge at his extradition hearing that he wants a change of venue to Disneyland.

Obamacare was hit by the exodus of three major insurance companies last week. Patients are clever. The AMA Journal reports that the number of body donations to medical schools has been rising, meaning that Medicare patients have finally figured out a way to get a doctor to look at them.