Parents’ drinking worries son
DEAR ABBY: I have been concerned about my parents for some time now. They are elderly and live in a very nice retirement community.
The problem is, they drink every day — sometimes from noon to when they go to bed. Many times, their drinking has caused arguments and police visits. When I express my concern about their drinking, they tell me to stay out of it, mind my own business, and they’re retired and have earned the right to do whatever they want.
Abby, this has gotten out of hand. I think they have become alcoholics and only bad things are coming of it. They refuse to listen to me, or anybody else, for that matter. What should I do? — WORRIED WILLIAM IN NY
DEAR WILLIAM: As people age, their bodies are sometimes less able to metabolize alcohol than they were when they were younger. When things get out of hand to the extent that the police are being called, I agree something must be done. Because there is this level of disruption going on, it follows that the neighbors in that very nice retirement community must be less than thrilled.
Elderly people can suffer from balance problems even when they are sober. It is common for someone who is inebriated to fall, which could cause serious injury.
If other family members are also worried about your folks, an intervention might be in order. Before attempting one, attend some Al-Anon meetings so you can listen to others’ experiences. Visit www.al-anon.alateen.org, or call 1-888-4-ALANON.
DEAR ABBY: My husband has ongoing relationships with two of his exes’ daughters. One girl’s mother is deceased, and he has been divorced from the other for more than 20 years. He allows them to call him “Dad” even though they are adults.
I don’t understand why he has allowed this to go on, but he blows me off when I bring it up. Am I being petty for having concerns? — CONCERNED SPOUSE
DEAR CONCERNED: Yes, you are being petty. Your husband may have been the most stable and loving parental male figure in those women’s lives, which is why they still call him “Dad.” Their relationship should not diminish the one he has with you, unless you make them feel unwelcome because of your own insecurity. So put on a smile and befriend them, and I predict you will reap big dividends.