Be honest with husband about old love

DEAR ABBY: I’m 37 and have been married for eight years. I love my husband, but I’m not “in love” with him. In my younger years I gave my heart to another woman.

Since then, I have masked my true feelings, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m still in love with “Loretta,” and I want to be with her. But now I have many responsibilities — husband, kids, etc.

I have told my husband about my feelings, but he seems to think this is something I’ll get over. I was 17 when Loretta and I started our relationship. We still love each other very much. I don’t want to hurt him, so what do I do? — FOLLOWING MY HEART IN ALABAMA

DEAR FOLLOWING: What you do is tell your husband that you thought you might be able to get over your love for Loretta, but that you haven’t. Do not expect him to take the news lightly because he has good reason to be upset. But he needs to know that none of this is his fault.

If he has trouble accepting and understanding this, suggest he contact the Straight Spouse Network (straightspouse.org) for the support it offers to the heterosexual partners of LGBT individuals.

DEAR ABBY: I have a granddaughter who is getting married soon. If I give the couple money as a wedding gift, whose name should go on the check first, the bride’s or the groom’s? — GRANDPA IN IOWA

DEAR GRANDPA: If your granddaughter and her fiance intend to have separate checking accounts, put her name on the check. However, if they will be opening a joint account after the wedding, it would make sense to put both of their names on it, and the order in which you list the names is whichever you prefer.