Photo of dead mom infuriates daughter
DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old female. My mother passed away in my home almost exactly a year ago. I took care of her for the last three years of her life. After she died, my brother and his wife came to my home at 1:30 p.m. The funeral home didn’t arrive to pick her up until 8:30 that night.
Later that evening, after my mom was gone and my brother and his wife left, my daughter came to me and announced that my sister-in-law had secretly taken pictures of Mom in the body bag on the stretcher as she was being wheeled out of my home. She didn’t know that my daughter had seen her.
I am furious, horrified and hurt beyond description! My mother always liked to look nice and made a special effort to look good for a picture. The coroner had told me to go into another room when they were taking her because he said I wouldn’t want that as my last memory of her.
I have never said anything to my sisterin-law, but I can’t seem to let this go. It’s killing me. Am I overreacting? Please, I need your advice. — MISSING MOM
DEAR MISSING MOM: I am truly sorry for your loss, but you may be overreacting. Not everyone grieves in the same way, and similarly, not everyone feels the same way about taking pictures of deceased loved ones. During Victorian times the practice was quite common.
I don’t know why your sister-in-law felt compelled to take the photos, but it could have been a gesture of love and respect. If you want to know why she did it, you should calmly ask her and let her explain.
DEAR ABBY: I have been talking to someone I know is a genuine person, someone who has all the qualities I would want in a lifelong partner. However, I am still in love with my ex.
My ex has moved on but still contacts me, and we do deeply care about each other. I’m afraid if I decide to move forward, I’ll always second-guess whether or not I did it for the right reasons. I’m afraid that because of my feelings for my ex, I won’t be able to open up to anyone. I also know we would have many issues to resolve if we ever decided to give it another chance.
I guess I’m afraid to let go and afraid to move forward. What should I do? — EQUALLY TORN IN THE WEST
DEAR EQUALLY TORN: Move forward as your ex has. And while you are at it, put more distance between the two of you. Whether the person you are talking to — who seems to look good on paper — is someone you’ll wind up with is anybody’s guess. So consider taking a break from romance for a while until you get your head straight. You’re not there yet, but with time you will be.