Grieving mom right to ignore baby’s dad
DEAR ABBY: My son “Jake” was born last June. His father was a good friend who I thought I loved and that he loved me. The day I told him I was pregnant, he disappeared.
Our baby boy just passed away from SIDS. I’m struggling with Jake’s loss and planning his funeral while taking care of my 5-year-old son. Jake’s father had his mother call and threaten me. She said, “His name better not be listed anywhere in the obituary!”
I’m at a loss about how to deal with both of them. I did not list the father’s name anywhere, but it was my choice. After the funeral I’m not sure if I want to see either one of them ever again. Any advice? — GRIEVING IN COLORADO
DEAR GRIEVING: I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. Yes, I do have a word of advice. Even in the midst of your grief, you are thinking clearly. Why you would ever want contact with either of those despicable individuals again is beyond me. Feel free to write them off and go on with your life.
DEAR ABBY: My co-worker and I have been seeing each other for a while now. We are both married. I am separated — my husband moved out — while “Chip” is still at home with his wife and kids. He says he loves me and plans on leaving his family.
I have decided I don’t want him after all. I have told him to stay with his wife, but Chip keeps wanting to “talk.” We see each other at work every day. It’s uncomfortable around co-workers.
I’ve been looking for another job (for other reasons). I feel ashamed, and I don’t want to be the “other woman.” I don’t know whether to wait for him or just walk out. — LOST IN ARIZONA
DEAR LOST: Chip knows you are ambivalent, which is why he wants to keep talking to you. If you meant what you wrote, that you do not want to be the other woman, then end the affair once and for all and just walk out.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend in her mid-40s who has naturally dark hair she keeps cut short. It looked fine.
A few months ago, she bleached her hair platinum blond. She has kept the roots platinum, so now her hair just looks white — especially in pictures. She posted photos of herself with her boyfriend on Facebook, and my initial reaction was, “Who is that elderly woman he’s sitting with?”
A mutual friend commented to me how bad my friend’s hair looks and how aging it is. Should I mention to her that her hair color makes her look 20 years older? Telling someone her hair doesn’t look good can be hurtful, but if it were me, I’d want to know. — HELPFUL IN HAWAII
DEAR HELPFUL: Be diplomatic, but tell her. A tactful way to lead in would be to say you saw the pictures she posted on Facebook and the platinum hair makes her look “older.” However, unless she asks how much older, don’t volunteer.