Dilemma, opportunity in overheard phone chat

DEAR J.T. & DALE: My boss is pregnant and about to go on maternity leave. She says she is coming back, but I overheard her on the phone with a friend and she mentioned that she’s just saying that to get disability pay; she’s planning to quit when her time off runs out. Should I tell HR? — Cleo

Dale: Here’s a good chance to remind you, and everyone, that being a skilled corporate politician is a critical career competence. You might not like the word, but you need to master the skill. Now, as for this situation, what you have is a valuable piece of information. Do not mess up this opportunity by running your mouth to HR.

J.T.: My sense is that Cleo is wanting to express her loyalty to the organization, not looking for self-advancement. Even so, I wouldn’t go to HR. First, your boss might just have been saying that to her friend. And you never know, her circumstances could suddenly change and she will need to come back. Moreover, by telling on her, you will forever break that relationship. This is your boss — you may need her as a reference some day. It’s not your situation to get involved in.

Dale: But it is. Get involved. Which brings me to the politics of it. Figure out which pieces of the manager’s job you can take over in her absence. Volunteer to do so. Then, if she doesn’t return, who’s the logical choice to take over the manager’s job? Yes, that’s you, Cleo.

J.T.: I see your point, and I’ll expand it to another scenario: If there is someone else who is almost certain to be the one to get promoted, and who’ll take over in the interim, then you can offer to help him or her with the added workload during the maternity leave. You can set yourself up as the go-to ally of the next manager.

Dear J.T. & Dale: My co-worker has a son who was in jail. He just got out and can’t find a job. She says he doesn’t have any references outside of family. She asked me if I’d be a reference for him as a favor to her.

I don’t know him very well, but I know she’d be a lot less stressed if he got a job. Can I get in trouble for doing this? — Andreas

J.T.: This is a sticky situation. Your co-worker is putting you in an uncomfortable position. She shouldn’t ask this of you. I would sit her down and say that you can’t in good conscience give a recommendation for someone you’ve never worked with. You don’t have to bring the felony into the conversation; simply say that you feel OK giving recommendations only where you can confidently stand behind them with facts. If she is upset at you for not helping her, then that is her problem, not yours. This is your career and your professional reputation at stake.

Dale: No, no. That’s only adding a burden to that poor mother, and she’ll resent you for refusing her. My advice is to (1) always say “yes” to a request for a reference, and (2) always be honest with your recommendations. So, how would that play out in this case? One problem here is that you don’t know the kid. Well, change that. Through his mom, invite him to lunch. There’s a good chance he’ll opt out, and that will end your involvement. On the other hand, if you visit with him and understand his situation, perhaps you can be of help. If it transpires that he lists you as a reference and you get a call, you explain that while you haven’t worked with him, you’d like to help him and the family, and then you quote the best of what you learned in your conversation with the young man. The person checking references expects you to put forth positives while ignoring negatives, and that’s what you do. You might just have the honor of helping a young man turn his life around. Don’t pass up that chance.