Attraction could be risky for student
DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I lost a tooth. I’m a 56-year-old woman on disability, short on funds to rectify the problem, so I visited my local hospital’s dental clinic. I hadn’t visited a dentist in years, so I was quite fearful.
The clinic allows a dental resident to work on your issue under the supervision of a practiced dentist. The work I needed was performed every two weeks for about four months. What I did not count on was becoming seriously attracted to a 29-year-old resident I’ll call “Justin.”
At first, I couldn’t believe it was possible, given the fact that I’m old enough to be his mother and my ex-husband is a doctor. I was a teacher and I know all the “rules.” In fairness, in NO WAY did Justin or I do or say anything inappropriate. Still, certain circumstances led me to believe that he felt the same about me. Neither of us acted on this.
My question: The work has been over for months, but some days I can’t get him out of my mind. I don’t know how to handle this. Please help. — UNEXPECTED IN NEW YORK
DEAR UNEXPECTED: The “rules” you referred to are a code of ethics that professionals are expected to adhere to. The way to handle your feelings would be to consider that if Justin were to act on the feelings you think he shared with you, he could lose his job, and the future he has worked so hard to build would be destroyed. If you care about him at all beyond your attraction, you will not pursue this further.
DEAR ABBY: I recently had a baby. Two of my friends became mothers five and nine months ago. We are all first-time stay-athome moms, which has been great except they constantly offer unwanted advice every time I see them. I agree that they sometimes offer helpful advice, but it’s getting old because I’m becoming confident in my parenting skills and judgment. How do I politely let them know that if I want advice, I’ll ask for it? — UNWANTED ADVICE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR TENNESSEE: First acknowledge them for being such good friends and wanting to be helpful. Then add that you are now more confident and would prefer they wait to be asked before offering any more unsolicited advice.
DEAR ABBY: I will be having surgery soon to alleviate the embarrassing symptoms of bowel incontinence. When nosy people ask why I am going to the hospital, I want to say, “None of your business,” or “Be glad you don’t have this problem.” Neither response seems appropriate. Any suggestions? — SHY IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SHY: A certain amount of curiosity is normal. If someone asks why you are going to the hospital, all you need to say is, “I’m having a procedure.” If the person is insensitive and pushes, your response should be, “It’s personal.” Period.