Teen’s obsession is hurting him socially

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been dating a wonderful woman for two years. She has a son in high school I’ll call “Jon.” Like many teens I see, he is constantly on his smartphone, his school-required tablet or playing video games on the TV in his bedroom.

On a recent vacation, I decided enough was enough. Jon had headphones and was watching videos while we were at a restaurant. Jon’s grades have dropped and he doesn’t sleep well. I can see he is so connected to his electronics that he’s disconnected from people.

While I don’t want to seem controlling, I now feel I have a vested interest in the boy. I care about him and see that the constant stimulation is affecting much of his life. I’m not sure he even knows how to make friends.

Should I push for his TV to be taken out of his room? His mother is excellent at setting her own boundaries, but I think she’s reluctant to set boundaries for him. — NEEDS HELP IN CHICAGO

DEAR NEEDS HELP: If you haven’t discussed your concerns with Jon’s mother, you should, because they are valid. If his grades are suffering and he isn’t getting enough rest, it’s time for her to step up to the plate and start acting like a parent.

When the three of you are having a meal together, the electronics should be put away, and you and your girlfriend should make a point of including her son in the conversation. At his age, he should be informed about and have an opinion regarding current events. As to removing the television/gaming from his bedroom, his mother should warn him in advance that it will happen if his grades don’t improve.

Interacting with others doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Learning to make eye contact, carry on a conversation and pick up on social cues are skills people learn in person, not by texting. This is a conversation I have had with more than one mental health expert, and it’s something parents need to remember when interacting with their children.

DEAR ABBY: I raised all five of my children without much help from their deadbeat dad. They are grown now. I am still single and barely making a living.

All of my kids live around the Dallas area. I don’t. Where I live is working for me because I have jobs, but I want to be near them. Should I throw away what I have to go and be near them, or stay where I am financially stable? I love my children so much. — LONESOME MOM

DEAR LONESOME MOM: Unless you are sure you can find work in the Dallas area, you should not relocate. It would make more sense for you to discuss this with your children and encourage them to visit you often.