Expert: Hoarders need support and understanding
Criticizing actions does more harm than good, speaker says
People hoard for different reasons: they collect things excessively, are bad at organizing or they simply just can’t let go.
When Jennifer Morris’ sister died, her mother began to hoard her clothing.
“If she can keep a portion of them, or a reminder of them, my sister will still be there,” Morris said. “So she can still have a piece of it.”
Morris joined around 20 others Tuesday night for a presentation by certified professional organizer, Elizabeth Tawney Gross, titled “Hoarders: How to Help, Not Harm.”
“That’s probably why most of you are here,” Tawney Gross said. “Because someone’s hoarding is impacting you.”
Those present gathered at the Esther Bone Memorial Library in Rio Rancho to hear Tawney Gross explain the nuances of hoarding and the best way to handle it.
“All of us probably have too much stuff,” Tawney Gross said. “I have too much stuff, but I don’t have too much stuff that I can’t live in my house — that’s the difference, the amount and whether it keeps you from living.”
Hoarding is now recognized by the DSM-V, the standard U.S. classification of mental disorders, Tawney Gross said. Research has found
those affected have different brain activity associated with decision making.
“They can’t make decisions in the same way that you and I make decisions,” she said, comparing hoarding to an addiction. “You can’t make an alcoholic stop drinking, you can’t make a smoker stop smoking.”
Hoarders are not just people “with a lot of stuff,” Tawney Gross said. Around 92 percent of hoarders have some kind of mental issues, particularly depression or anxiety.
Hoarders often “haunt” thrift shops, dumpster dive and pick up things off the side of the road, she said, and they can either be aware or unaware of their illness.
“Some people get a sense of identity through the things that they own,” Tawney Gross said. Hoarders can have a wide array of items cluttering their homes, everything from newspapers and candy wrappers to clothing and knickknacks.
One man spoke of a neighbor who would buy a newspaper, read it, and then stack it nicely every day, for decades.
“It got so bad you can’t even walk in the hallway,” he said, describing the floor-to-ceiling stacks and sickening smell of old ink and paper.
Tawney Gross said research is mixed on the causes of hoarding, finding that the illness may or may not be hereditary, can possibly be passed through family values like “waste not, want not,” and could be triggered through traumatic events.
Tawney Gross, in her personal opinion, believes the hoarding tendencies had to be there in the first place, regardless of these factors. A hoarder “takes comfort in their possessions and their behaviors” and usually have either a lack of attention or laser focus in addition to memory problems.
There are many dangers and problems posed from hoarding, she said, including danger of fire as many collect paper, blocked exits and very narrow pathways from clutter, rodent and insect infestation, antisocial behavior, dust and mold buildup leading to respiratory issues, among others. Extreme cases have seen houses demolished as a result of the hoarding.
Criticism isn’t helpful
Through her teachings, Tawney Gross hopes people can gain some empathy for hoarders and what not to do and how to help those with the illness.
“It’s mean to judge someone with a mental illness that they cannot control,” she said.
Things that do more harm than good include arguing and fighting with the hoarder, making threats and criticizing, trying normal logic, clear-outs or cleaning their space forcefully, and showing a lack of respect.
“Having a loved one who hoards is as frustrating as having a family member with schizophrenia,” Tawney Gross said. “I’m sure there are people here who are just tearing their hair out.”
One woman in the audience expressed agitation at a mother, a friend, who enables her daughter to hoard and has had to relocate out of her home while the daughter remains.
Tawney Gross said criticizing and judgment will not help and suggested the woman try to get her friend and her daughter into counseling.
Ways to help vary and include cheerleading, medications and support groups, specialized cognitive behavioral therapy from a professional therapist, therapy for yourself and harm reduction, among others.
Tawney Gross said success, for a hoarder, is defined as 50 percent of the house being possible for visitors to come in.
“That is considered success for someone who hoards,” she said. “That means that they are not cured, they will never be cured, but that they have made immense progress.”
Although Morris said her mother can no longer hoard, as she was recently moved into a smaller home, the urge is still there.
“You can tell she still wants to cling to things,” she said. “Which isn’t healthy for her personally, either.”
Morris said one of the biggest takeaways from Tawney Gross’ talk is to always remember to have respect.
“Even if a person’s got problems, you still have to respect them,” she said. “That’s the biggest thing that’s lacking in society right now, is respect for other people.”