Drinking brings out craving to smoke
DEAR ABBY: I am married to a great guy. We’ve been together 27 years, so I know him well. He recently stopped smoking after 30 years of nicotine addiction. He did it cold turkey, and he’s been smoke-free for three months now. I’m proud of him and tell him so.
The problem is, when he drinks he gets drunk — which I’m used to — but then he starts saying (sometimes belligerently) that he wants a cigarette badly. I don’t know how to respond to this. I continue praising him for quitting and point out the health benefits that are already obvious
— his breathing, returned senses, etc. — but it’s getting old.
Should I continue to say helpful things or just ignore him when he’s drunk? — DUMBFOUNDED IN DALLAS
DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Try this. Tell him calmly that his craving for a cigarette is normal, particularly if he used to smoke while consuming alcohol. Reassure him that with time the craving will lessen, and continue to reinforce that he did himself a huge favor by quitting. Tell him you know it wasn’t easy and that the longer he resists the urge for a nicotine fix, the easier it will be for him to stay smoke-free.
The fact that he becomes “belligerent” when he drinks should be a sign to you that he probably shouldn’t be drinking either. Instead of keeping him company when he’s in his cups, consider leaving to attend an Al-Anon meeting. It’s a supportive organization created for friends and family members who are affected by a loved one’s alcohol consumption. It isn’t difficult to find a meeting. Just go to al-anon.org.
DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship with a man for a year and a half. We got along great. We never argued, and we had a healthy sexual relationship.
You know the saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? All the actions were there — he took me on amazing vacations, introduced me to all of his friends and family. But during all our time together, he never once expressed how he felt about me.
About a month ago, I told him how I felt. I asked if he loved me or had any romantic feelings for me. He ignored my question! I guess he didn’t want to hurt me by saying no. Two weeks later, he broke up with me.
I have been divorced for five years, while he has never been married or had a livein girlfriend. He said his reason for breaking up was he felt our relationship was good but not great (!) and he didn’t think it ever would be. Should I just give up and move on?
— GOOD, BUT NOT GREAT
DEAR G.B.N.G.: Yes, for your own sake, you must. Give him credit for having been honest with you, but if after a year and a half he wasn’t able to summon up any romantic feelings for you, you must accept that it isn’t going to happen. Moving on may be painful for a while, but you will be doing yourself a big favor. Start now. Contact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.