Non-hugger keeps folks at arm’s length
DEAR ABBY: I am not a hugger. In fact, I pretty much always hate it. But people think I’m rude when I don’t open my arms to hug after they’ve opened theirs. And they also think I’m rude when I tell them I’m not really a hugger. It happens with friends, fellow church congregants and audience members (I’m an entertainer) all the time.
Although I let the hugs happen, I’m usually holding my breath the whole time.
Once I’ve “Hey girl’d” someone and offered my warmest smile, what more can I do? I don’t want people I like to think I don’t like them, or I’m not happy to see them. But I’m fed up with faking it and participating in this ritual that makes me so uncomfortable.
If there is a polite, clear way to convey this to people without seeming cold or unappreciative, please let me know what it is.
BRACING FOR THE EMBRACE
DEAR BRACING: You are not alone in feeling the way you do. Not everyone is comfortable with being hugged.
I think you should simply be honest about your feelings and tell the huggers that you become claustrophobic when people hug you, and to please understand that your reluctance isn’t personal. If you make it about you rather than them, it shouldn’t come across as rejection.
DEAR ABBY: Is it rude for someone not to cash a check you have written to them within a certain time period? I think it is, but maybe I’m wrong.
Because I keep track of my banking online and not in a traditional checkbook, I end up having to try to remember to adjust my available balance to include the check’s amount. What do you think? CHECK’S IN THE MAIL
DEAR C.I.T.M.: I agree that it’s rude. When a canceled check does not show up — sometimes for months — it makes reconciling the giver’s checkbook a pain in the neck and sometimes lower.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will soon attend a weekend wedding. We will be meeting a large number of people for the first time.
My problem is I have a hard time remembering people’s names. I suggested to my wife that I carry a pocketsize notebook and write down names followed by a brief description. She thinks it’s a great idea as long as no one catches me doing it.
I think, in addition to being practical, it will provide a bit of humor to the occasion. What say you? SENSIBLE IN SEATTLE
DEAR SENSIBLE: I agree with your wife. Be discreet, if you can. Rather than carry a notebook, it might be less obvious if you enter or dictate the information in the notes section of your phone.