Finding motivation after a big failure
I don’t want to be a downer, but failure and loss are a part of life.
It was at this time three years ago that the biggest company I’d ever been a part of failed. I ended up having to lay off almost 80 people. The holidays weren’t bright. I felt awful. I also was in so much debt after closing down the company that I didn’t know how I was going to afford food for my family.
While there are different degrees of loss — and ways that you cope with it — most of us want to hide under the covers.
Instead of hiding, acknowledge your emotional suffering and look for ways to find your motivation again. Here are some ways to start:
What motivated you in the past?
During the grieving process, counselors “explore where your motivation came from and how life has changed since your loss,” says Stacie Adams, bereavement coordinator at Mount Mountain Valley Hospice in North Carolina and Virginia. They “also look at meaning and how to get your motivation back, as a part of moving through the grief journey.”
Losing a loved one obviously is much different than failing at a business or losing your job, but there are similar processes to regain your momentum.
One way this is accomplished is by thinking about what motivated you before your loss. “For example, if a person’s spouse was a source of support and encouragement who pushed them to get things done, then when this spouse is gone, so is the motivation for getting things done,” Adams says.
In this situation, “it may be helpful to remind yourself of what your spouse would say to you in certain situations.” You could write those statements down and display them in locations where you’ll see them every day.
Another tactic you could try is reflecting on your past successes: starting your own business or completing a marathon, for instance. Think back to how it felt when you achieved your goal. Use that feeling of euphoria to help ignite your motivation.
Talk about it
You’re not weak when you express your emotions. This a key component of emotional intelligence. When you’re able to communicate how you feel, you’re able to discover more about yourself. It also helps reduce stress and anxiety.
Whether it’s opening up to your spouse, best friend or a colleague, or writing in a blog post, talking about your feelings is part of the healing process. As a result, you still find ways to overcome the problems and challenges blocking your motivation.
Create a supportive environment
It’s no secret that your surroundings can influence your mood. Think about how you feel after staying at a luxurious spa and resort compared to a bland, soulless motel.
You need to surround yourself with people who are optimistic and supportive. Remember, feelings are contagious, so choose your company wisely when you need a boost of motivation.
Decorate your workspace and home so that it inspires and motivates you each day. It could be as simple as repainting your walls, letting in more natural light and placing books in spots where they can be seen regularly.
Make a gratitude list
“Grab your journal, a free column in your date book, a scrap sheet of paper, a pile of Post-it Notes or whatever works for you,” suggests Josh Linkner, CEO and managing partner of Detroit Venture Partner. “Write a column of numbers from 1 to 100. Then, think about your blessings and count them. Use your sheet and list 100 things you are grateful for, from small to big.”
I write in my gratitude journal a couple of times per week. Doing so helps me focus on what I have. As a result, it improves my mood and motivates me to keep doing what I’m doing, so that I don’t lose what’s most valuable to me.
Pursue a hobby
When you’re grieving or at a very low point, this may be a bit of challenge. But make it a point to do something that you love, that provides an outlet for your creativity or develops a skill. Having a hobby can lift your spirits, recharge your batteries and give you a sense of achievement.
Most importantly, you never know where this side project will take you. When my company closed, I started other projects. Some failed and others did very well. It was just a side gig to help pay the bills, but it opened up new opportunities.
Adjust your physiology
One of the easiest ways to change your state of mind is by adjusting your physiology. Physiology is just the connection between your body and mind. As such, it’s a broad term for things like your posture or facial expressions.
“If the mind and body are intrinsically connected — meaning that one has a direct affect on the other — then it poses the argument that if we directly and consciously take control of one, that it will directly influence and transform the other,” explains Adam Sicinski, life coach and founder of IQ Matrix.
If you’re feeling down, you’re not going to be as energetic as you would when you’re feeling good, of course.
According to Sicinski, here’s how you can alter your physiology:
Become aware of your thoughts, emotions and current frame of mind. Doing so will give you insights into your mental state.
Extend your awareness to your body. This will help you manage your physical state.
Cultivate empowering traits like passions or curiosity. This will empower your thoughts and transform how you use your body.
Focus on the positives instead of what’s not working.
Model the states of successful people you admire.
Help others
Whether it’s a random act of kindness or volunteering, helping others is a guaranteed way to put you in a better state. This is because you’re meeting new people, developing new skills and improving your selfesteem and physical health.
I started working closely with Open to Hope charity, which gave me a chance to showcase my skills — and put my own struggles in perspective. It made me realize there’s something bigger to life than losing a business.
Even if you follow this advice, finding your motivation in the face of loss isn’t a simple process that can be solved overnight. It’s complicated and may involve you addressing mental or health concerns first.