Wife wants out of swinging lifestyle
DEAR ABBY: My husband, to whom I’ve been married since July of 2016, has recently caved in to pressure from friends to participate in “swinger” behavior. He wants me to be included, but I really don’t want to.
The other female has lesbian tendencies that make me uncomfortable. Her boyfriend is juggling two partners at once. My husband has told him he can do whatever he wants in front of us, which I find awkward and embarrassing.
I don’t want to be a spoilsport, but I feel he is being unfair to me. How do I put the genie back in the bottle without ruining my marriage and friendships? We’ve lived together since 2005, and the pressure is getting worse now that we’re married. — NOT TO SWING IN THE USA
DEAR NOT TO SWING: If your vision of marriage is a union between two people only, then the man you married is not someone with whom you should spend a lifetime. Do not allow yourself to be coerced into anything you are not comfortable with. Much as you might wish it, you are not going to change your husband, which is why it may be time for you to revisit this subject with him and the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist.
DEAR ABBY: I dated a longtime friend, “Austin,” for about four months. He had a history of drug use, but had been sober for about four years before he stopped attending meetings.
I have two children from my previous marriage. He knew when we started dating that if he relapsed, the relationship was over. He did, so I ended it then and there. Austin begged me for a second chance and for my help.
I have known his family for as long as I’ve known him, which is 20 years. He swore up and down to me that he wouldn’t relapse again, but he did and died from an overdose. Austin’s family blames me for his death because I didn’t answer his calls or messages. How can I explain to them there was nothing I could do? — FAULT ISN’T MINE DEAR FAULT: You were under no ethical or moral obligation to answer Austin’s texts or messages after his relapses. Austin’s relatives are in pain right now, and in denial as well. They are blaming you rather than their son because the truth — that Austin was responsible for his own actions and his own death — may be too hard for them to face.
DEAR ABBY: Years ago, in a “Farmer’s Almanac,” I read a saying so profound and succinct, I have never forgotten it. I thought one day I should send it to you. With everything that’s been happening in Hollywood and beyond, this is the time.
It goes, “If you don’t want anyone to know about it, don’t DO it!” — FAITHFUL READER IN CARMEL, N.Y.
DEAR READER: AMEN to that!