They’ll always be out there
Entrepreneurs still have to deal with toxic people — here’s how to survive
A big idea. A thirst for freedom. The search for a more interesting life. A need to reach your full potential.
Entrepreneurs have many inspiring reasons for taking the leap. But there’s another, less glorious reason many of us strike out on our own: getting away from toxic people.
You may have left a job and become an entrepreneur because the head honcho was poisonous or your co-workers were vicious back-stabbers. You have the freedom now to do what you want and, hopefully, be left alone.
But, unfortunately, toxic people are everywhere. As an entrepreneur, you may have to contend with shifty suppliers, deadbeat clients, passive-aggressive partners, bad-faith negotiators, knowit-alls, know-nothings, slackers, whiners, drama queens — the list goes on and on.
I’ve had my fair share of toxic bosses. From liars to criers, dealing with difficult people at any level has its challenges. Understanding how and when to respond to vitriol is critical to succeeding in business.
What works is to focus on the relationship, not the person.
I recently sat down with the founder of the Brilliance Movement, Simon T. Bailey, a life coach, keynote speaker and author of motivational books, including “Release Your Brilliance.” Bailey had some solid insights about dealing with difficult people.
Where we might see a toxic person, Bailey suggests we focus instead on our relationship to that person.
“There are relationships that are assets, there are relationships that are liabilities, and every day we are in a relationship with something,” Bailey says. “The news we hear and repeat, and what we decide to do with that.
The meetings we decide to take. The phone calls we decide to have. The choices we decide to make.”
Entrepreneurs are individualists by nature. It makes you bold and selfsufficient, but on a bad day, it’s easy to feel like it’s you against the world. Looking at your world as a web of relationships makes for a more measured and strategic perspective. It depersonalizes conflict and helps defuse anger and resentment.
As Bailey points out: “Moving forward requires you to think. If you won’t do the work, if you won’t evaluate and decide, you stay where you are.”
Bailey suggests a simple exercise to help you put up with difficult people.
Write down the name of someone who really gets under your skin. Then, give yourself 60 seconds to list as many of that person’s negative and positive attributes as you can.
“It’s going to be like pulling teeth but it’s also like digging for gold,” Bailey says. “The mere fact that you wrote all this down doesn’t change that person. It changes you. It changes how you see them, how you invest your time in them.”
Also, the very qualities that make a good entrepreneur, like self-confidence, self-reliance and self-motivation, can also make us a tad self-absorbed.
“I think sometimes, as entrepreneurs, we see people as we are instead of as they are,” Bailey says. “We have to step back and say, ‘What is right about this person?’ ‘What makes them amazing?’ ”
Instead of judging people through our own exacting standards, Bailey would have us celebrate what they do right. What gets recognized gets repeated.
Entrepreneurs have their own way of doing things, but your way is not the only way. It may not even be the best way. Entrepreneurs also tend to have impossibly high standards, but the fact that someone doesn’t quite meet your standards doesn’t make him or her a bad person.
You can’t always change challenging people, but by changing how you relate to them, you may be able to change the relationship.
As a first step, ask yourself the following questions:
Are you stingy with positive feedback?
How do you communicate to them what they’re doing right?
Can you change your tone and edit your word choice to alter their behavior or coax a better performance out of them?
Do you know their learning style? Perhaps you can communicate with them in a way will make them more likely to “get it.” For example, some people would rather get their marching orders in person, while others prefer a written memo they can mull over.
Ultimately, some relationships will continue to be what Bailey refers to as liabilities. Those are the ones you can safely jettison.
Save the hard work of understanding and getting along for those relationships that can benefit you and your business.
Adele Cehrs is the founder and CEO of Epic PR Group and the author of “Spike Your Brand ROI.”
The very qualities that make a good entrepreneur — self-confidence, self-reliance and self-motivation — can also make us self-absorbed.