Words fail woman in response to loss

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, a mother of four, just had a miscarriage at five months. I have no idea what to say to her or my nieces and nephews. “Sorry” doesn’t seem to suffice. Her 6-year-old was ecstatic about the new baby. The family is crushed. My husband (her brother) was in tears, and I didn’t know what to say to him.

I have never been able to easily express my emotions. I just go blank and my mind shuts down. I am always at a loss for words, and I feel like it’s disconnecting me from relationships. Any advice? — WITHOUT WORDS

DEAR WITHOUT WORDS: When people stay silent, it can be mistaken for lack of caring, when sometimes the emotions are so overwhelming they can’t be put into words. So why not just be honest? You don’t have to be a poet, but you do have to say something. Because these are your in-laws, who presumably know you, I’m sure it would be appreciated if you simply said, “You know I have trouble expressing my emotions, but please know how sorry I am for your loss.”

DEAR ABBY: I’ve always dreamed about getting a horse, so I saved up all the money I earned as a kid and finally bought one a year ago. I named her “Springtime,” and I love her. She’s great. But now I am ready to venture out into the world, and I’m forced to make a decision. Do I give her to a loving home with people who have more time to spend with her, so I can go to college and move to a different state with my boyfriend? Or do I keep her and stay at the job I have now and keep doing what I do?

Please give me some advice because, right now, I have no one else to help me with this decision, and it’s a hard one. — KELSEA IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR KELSEA: I know it’s a hard decision to make, but right now your priority must be to finish your education. Start by asking around the “horse community” if someone would be interested in buying Springtime. Also put the word out at the stable where you have been boarding her. Your veterinarian may also be able to offer you helpful suggestions. However, if they can’t help you, contact a horse rescue group to find a safe home for your horse. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to memorize my cellphone number. He says as long as it’s in his phone he doesn’t need to. I feel he should know it so if he loses the phone or the battery goes dead, I can be reached. What do you think? — LOGICAL IN KANSAS

DEAR LOGICAL: Experience is the best teacher. Stop arguing with your husband and let him suffer the consequences. An option might be for him to jot the number on a small piece of paper and keep it in his wallet.