Retired man shuns his contemporaries
DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is retired, now prefers to talk exclusively to people under 21. He says he is “mentoring” them, though I haven’t seen any indication of this.
He says he has no interest in talking to people our age, so when we get together with friends who are mostly our age, he says practically nothing. When I asked why, he said he prefers to impart his knowledge to younger people. I have suggested that he volunteer, but he wasn’t interested — he just wants to hang out with them.
I’m not sure what to do. He seems depressed if they don’t respond to him in the way he would like. Mostly they show little interest in being with him. What, if anything, should I do about this? It has been going on for more than two years now. — CONCERNED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR CONCERNED: I feel sorry for your husband. He may avoid companions his own age because they remind him that he, too, is getting older. It’s no wonder young people don’t respond to him. I can imagine few pastimes less appetizing than socializing with someone who “imparts knowledge” by talking down to them. They might find him more appealing if he asked questions and listened to them.
Consider talking to him about your concern that he is socially isolating himself from contemporaries, because the longer he continues, the less welcome he will find himself. However, until he comes to that realization and decides to fix it, do not expect anything to change.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 17. When she was 1, she had leukemia. The treatments have left her with chronic pain as well as some disabilities that she deals with.
She’s now a senior in high school, but looks like she’s 7 or 8. She yearns for what every teen girl wants —a boyfriend. The problem is, no one wants to date her. It’s not because of her personality but because of her size and her young looks.
My heart breaks seeing how depressed she is. I have told her she will meet that special person when she is supposed to, and she used to think that as well, but she doesn’t anymore. What can I do to help my daughter through this? — HEARTBROKEN
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Patience and the passage of time may bring a solution to the problem. In the meantime, if there is a name for her condition, go online and do some research to find out if there is a support group for survivors who also have it. If there is, your daughter may find what she needs there. Surely, others have had her experience, and perhaps they can help. One thing I know for sure — you can’t find a date until you find a FRIEND.