Friend’s spouse, kids wear out welcome
DEAR ABBY: “Charlotte” and I have been friends for 16 years, ever since we met in college. She lives several states away, so we see each other only once a year when she and her family come to town for a long weekend. Beyond this annual get-together, we never chat on the phone, and communication is pretty much limited to social media.
I have known Charlotte’s (now) husband for 16 years as well, and never cared for him. He seems to get worse every time I see him, and it has reached the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room with him.
Unfortunately, Charlotte’s kids take after their dad. They are spoiled, nasty, mean children and a bad influence on my young son. Charlotte and her family were in town for their annual visit recently. Afterward I told my husband I didn’t enjoy it and dread the next one.
Charlotte’s husband has now suggested they tag along on our next family vacation! Abby, it would ruin our trip. I don’t want to go on vacation if they come with us. Charlotte is still as sweet and lovely as ever, but I do not want to see her husband or children again. What should I do?
HANGING ON FOR NOW
DEAR HANGING ON: Ignore the “suggestion” Charlotte’s husband made. Because the two of you talk so infrequently, the subject may not come up again. A solution to your problem might be as simple as suggesting to Charlotte that the two of you have a “girls’ weekend” together rather than a family vacation. Then cross your fingers that she’s receptive.
DEAR ABBY: Men know that when shaking another man’s hand, the grip should be firm. A firm handshake is polite and — let’s be honest
— a point of masculine pride. But when I shake a woman’s hand, I’m never sure what kind of grip to use.
When I’m shaking a woman’s hand, I use a grip that is less firm than I would use with a man. Is this sexist? Sometimes I worry that even my lighter-than-normal grip is too firm, especially if she is older. On the other hand, I’m embarrassed if her grip is firm and mine is not. Sometimes I need to adjust my grip midway through the handshake to match the woman’s, but then I feel silly doing it. Can you offer any guidance? — HANDING IT OFF IN TENNESSEE
DEAR HANDING: I’ll try. The first thing to remember is that a handshake is not a litmus test for masculinity — at least not with women. While a limp handshake from either sex is a turnoff, one that is too strong can be painful — particularly if the fingers being squeezed happen to have rings on them. It isn’t silly to offer a lady a “medium” handshake, and adjust the firmness if she has a firm grip. It’s sensible, not sexist.