Girlfriend convinced parents dislike her
DEAR ABBY: Recently something has come up in my life that has pushed the shaky relationship between my girlfriend, “Linnay,” and my parents to the front burner. She insists they do not like her. Because of it, she rarely speaks more than a few sentences to them and dreads going to my house to visit them.
I don’t think my parents dislike Linnay, but they do seem hesitant to interact with her, involve her in things our family does, and they don’t seem motivated to create a better relationship with her.
Linnay has asked me to “fix” the situation, but I feel the way to make their relationship better is for THEM to work it out. What should each of them do to make this happen? And what can I do to help? — ANONYMOUS IN TEXAS
DEAR ANONYMOUS: This is not something your girlfriend can work out on her own. Ask your parents why they seem hesitant to interact with her, why they don’t invite her to things the family does and why they seem less than eager to create a better relationship with her. Linnay may be shy, or she may have picked up on not-so-subtle signals your parents are sending that they don’t approve of her.
DEAR ABBY: Common manners are going extinct quicker than the dinosaurs did. I was raised to open doors, stand up for women sitting down at the table, etc. Nowadays opening the door for most women feels like getting slapped in the face. There is no acknowledgment.
Has our society disintegrated that far? These days if I open the door for someone and she doesn’t acknowledge the courtesy, I say, “Thank you!” loud enough for her to hear and watch the reaction. I’m waiting for someone to slap me one day. — GOOD MANNERS IN TEXAS
DEAR GOOD MANNERS: I agree that when a courtesy is extended, it should be acknowledged. However, if it isn’t, shouting at someone is rude and makes you appear more like a boor rather than the genteel individual your parents raised you to be.
P.S. When a gentleman opens a door for me — oldfashioned girl that I am — I always thank him. Then I add, “You were raised RIGHT!” which is true, and we go our separate ways with a smile.
DEAR ABBY: How do I get my roommates to do chores? I have tried talking to them, creating chore charts and explaining we will lose our security deposit if the house isn’t taken care of. Nothing works. If I don’t want sticky counters, ruined pots and pans, or trash piling up, I have to do it myself. Any advice would be appreciated. — NOT YOUR MAID
DEAR NOT YOUR MAID: Whose name is on that lease? If it isn’t yours, the logical thing to do would be find a place to live with more mature roommates who feel the way you do about clutter and hygiene. However, if it is yours, you will have to wait until the lease is up, get rid of those roommates and screen the next batch more carefully.